THE "NICE GUY" AND THE HALO EFFECT

If you want to attract the right woman,
and if you want to avoid making mistakes
with women, you have to learn to not
always rely on your immediate EMOTIONS.

Emotions often lead us astray, because
we tend to not THINK when we are feeling.
In fact, when we are FEELING, we go
so far as to CREATE REASONS to 'justify'
our emotions, even though these
'reasons' actually have NOTHING to
do with why we feel what we feel.

So, for example, if there is a woman
you feel attracted to, it's almost
automatic for a man to start making
up "non superficial" REASONS why he
likes her, why she is truly special,
etc.

Similarly, if you are feeling any
fear about approaching a woman,
that fear will then lead to you
making up REASONS for why you
feel this fear, that in reality
have nothing to do with why you
really feel that fear.

If you want to become a master
of attraction, then it's all
about you learning to master
your own emotions and to learn
to NOT submit to your human
tendency to start falsely
rationalizing why you are
feeling the way you do.

That way, you can have a lot of
great emotions LATER- including
the emotion of being with the woman
you actually WANT.

Recently, I saw a movie
that REMINDED me just how INSANELY
tough it must be to be a guy who is living
WITHOUT knowing the full deal about
attraction, about women, and about
the way our emotions work.

I don't know if you'll believe me, but the
honest truth is that at first, this movie
really PISSED ME OFF!

You see, the movie is called "Forgetting
Sarah Marshal". And in this movie, is
a dude who I thought EVERY GUY
in the theater would NOT be able to
relate to, because to ME, this
character's behavior seemed so
LAME AND PATHETIC AND IGNORANT.

Even though this movie is a comedy, the
reality is that it would not work if the
audience felt this guy was CRAZY.

The movie works because the reality
is that there ARE many guys who
can relate to his perspective.

And then it hit me. You see, I USED
to think SIMILARLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I used to be that guy!

It's ONLY because for YEARS AND
YEARS now, I have been so immersed
in a different way of THINKING and
BEHAVING that this stuff NOW seems
SO ABSOLUTELY CRAZY to me.
And the fact that it does NOT seem
absolutely CRAZY to me is
HORRIFYING!

Honestly, I want to make that type of
behavior, that type of thinking, EXTINCT!

So what was this behavior?
In the movie, this chick who is supposed to
be super hot, (reality check, is that there
are MANY girls like her around, HONESTLY,
but the way most guys think they go crazy
for any girl that is remotely attractive and
shows SOME interest in them, which all
comes from scarcity style thinking) and
she suddenly dumps him after four years.

He goes CRAZY desperate, he becomes a
total needy wreck, he tries to win her BACK,
he ABANDONS his whole life, loses passion
for his goals, self-esteem plummets, etc.

Now, the FIRST thing that was GLARINGLY
obvious to me, is that no chick on EARTH
just "suddenly" dumps a guy.

This is all part of the MYTH, the NIGHTMARE
myth, that a woman who is this great person,
suddenly DROPS a guy, she becomes this
uncaring unfeeling person, etc.

What ACTUALLY happens is that a guy ends
up falling victim to what is known as the
HALO EFFECT.

The halo effect is when humans see people
who are attractive or celebrities or both,
they tend to think these people are
BETTER than other people - more
NOBLE, more honest, more intelligent,
etc.

It's total emotional HOGWASH, but it
happens so often and even today with all
this knowledge even educated people often
FALL for it. So much so that you may notice
whenever you see criminals in court, they
dress as well as they can to try to influence
the judge or jury to come to a verdict that
says he or she is innocent.

Well, at least this fricken movie SHOWS
this, it shows it in a pretty intelligent way,
although I wonder if every guy GOT it.

What the movie shows at first, are his
MEMORIES of this woman. He keeps
on TORTURING HIMSELF by remembering
the "fun times" they had together. He
keeps seeing her smile in his mind, he
keeps remembering when they got
physical, etc.

And of course, this makes him more and
more sad, depressed, and frustrated!

Then, his best friend tries to help him out,
tries to set him straight, and then TELLS
him something STRAIGHT UP:

"Hey man, whenever she was around us,
and I saw her with you, she was pretty
much a bitch."

I'm paraphrasing, but that's what he said,
in a heartfelt way.

His friend is trying to HELP him, but his
friend is also truly being HONEST.

So what does the guy respond with?
He gets ANGRY at his friend for him saying
this.

How dare his friend say this about his
"great" woman!!!

So he tells OFF his friend, he tells his
friend that this girl was BETTER than
his friend's girlfriend!!!!

BETTER!!!

Does this make any sense?
The girl that DUMPED him, was BETTER!

Well, the truth is that unless you are
TRAINED and DEVELOPED in the
ways of ATTRACTION, PICK-UP,
AND FULL INNER GAME, this
kind of thing is VERY REALISTIC!

Because what happens is that our mind
plays TRICKS on us. It's the HALO
EFFECT, in FULL EFFECT.

It's not just that this guy felt his girlfriend
was BEAUTIFUL, he also felt she was
somehow GREAT, a great person, a
wonderful person, someone he was
going to MISS!!! He didn't say that
his girlfriend was HOTTER, he said
BETTER!!!

And yet, this IS how many guys might FEEL.
All because of the HALO EFFECT.

If the guy TRULY HONESTLY FELT THAT
IT WAS JUST HER LOOKS THAT WERE
SUPERIOR THAN THOSE OF OTHER
WOMEN, HE WOULD NOT MISS HER
EVEN A FRACTION AS MUCH!!!!

But he thinks she IS somehow superior to
other girls besides just her looks.

And this is what MILLIONS of guys experience
all the time.

In fact, the MEMORIES we trigger when we
are under the HALO effect are often FALSE
MEMORIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You see, EMOTIONS are INSANELY POWERFUL
THINGS!!! We tend to FEEL FIRST, and then
we RATIONALIZE those feelings as being
APPROPRIATE FEELINGS. We give
REASONS for those feelings, reasons
that FEEL right!

In reality though, the FEELINGS usually have
NOTHING TO DO with the reasons we give
for them!!!

NOTHING.

In fact, very often, the reasons we give for
the feelings are not only wrong, they are
HORRIFYING WRONG, they are the
FARTHEST FROM THE TRUTH!

So, for example, because the guy feels
ATTRACTION and feels she is GOOD
(all due to the halo effect), he then
Has SELECTIVE MEMORY, to ONLY
REMEMBER the GOOD things, no
Matter how tiny they were (Such as
her "smiling"! I mean who DOES NOT
smile ever???? And what the heck
is valuable in a smile, it could be
she is smiling for totally selfish
reasons!)

Not only that, if a guy feels strong enough
about a woman, he may even CREATE
memories that never EXISTED, he will
WARP the past into it being something
more special than it was!

Our brains do this because we think there
is NO WAY that we can feel so good about
something or someone that was NOT GOOD!

Eventually, in the movie, he slowly starts to
REGAIN some ACCURACY in his memories,
and it's no coincidence that THESE MEMORIES
are triggered once he REGAINS his self-esteem!

Suddenly then, he starts to REMEMBER
all the TOTAL SH*&&T things she did
to him!

And this brings me to a massive point:

The whole problem in the FIRST PLACE
started because he himself was not feeling
the kind of self-esteem that every man
deserves to experience. He was doing
work that he hated, he had vague dreams
of creating a rock opera that he was
not putting into action, and his whole
attitude toward his own life SUCKED.

The ONLY thing he had going on that
seemed cool was this chick who was
an actress, decently attractive, etc.

And SHE became his source of self-esteem.

Again, not just because of her attractiveness,
but because the HALO effect ALSO made
him view her as smart, noble, good, virtuous,
special, etc.

And so having HER in his life made HIM
feel that HE was special. And he NEEDED
it so badly that he was OBLIVIOUS to the
REALITY that indeed she WAS a shallow,
selfish, emotionally and intellectually void
beeee-yotch!

He NEEDED her so badly, because his own
reservoir of self-esteem was running on
EMPTY.

He had nothing INTERNAL to base his own
self-esteem ON.

And even when his friend was telling him to
get to work on that rock opera, all he did
was say he couldn't because he was
heartbroken. Yet, by ignoring his self,
his own identity, his own self-esteem
plummeted FURTHER, leaving him
even MORE vulnerable to the halo
effect and selective memory and
being desperate for her.

And even when he slept with many women,
it didn't help, because HE still felt empty
about HIMSELF inside. HE still felt SHE
was the special one, because for YEARS
AND YEARS, he had unwittingly brainwashed
himself into believing this!!!

It's only when he meets ANOTHER
WOMAN who is EMOTIONALY
MORE INTELLIGENT THAN
HE IS, that things begin to
slowly CHANGE.

This new woman, well her self-esteem is
INTERNALLY driven. She is not all about
having celebrity pet care centers and about
being famous and glitzy, she does not
need to have validation from everyone
around her to be happy, and she doesn't
need to be rewarded for being a good
and happy person, she does it because
she FEELS GOOD doing it. Her
self esteem is SKYROCKETING.

And she encourages HIM to grow this way
as well. She even devises a sly but loving
method of getting him to FORCE HIMSELF
to take action on his dreams and goals.

And all this stuff helps him REALIZE that
what he was REALLY SEARCHING for
all this time was not his ex-girlfriend, but
HIMSELF. He had LOST HIMSELF
before he even MET the beee-yotch, so
he was a perfect target for optimum
destruction when the beee-yotch met
him. And yet all those years he was
HAPPY to be with her, he felt she
was the GREATEST thing that
happened to him.

And yet, the new woman, who he is
attracted to as well, cannot do MAGIC.
So a certain amount of emotional growing
has to come from him and him only.
This is his real mission.

He fails this mission, because when the
beey-otch comes running back to him
after her new boyfriend cheats on her
(and after her new boyfriend can't take her
selfish behavior because it gets in the
way of him continuing his own selfish
rotten behavior) and after her TV show
gets cancelled, he actually makes the
horrible mistake of becoming weak and
fooling around with her a bit even though
he stops half way and regrets it horribly.

However, it's still enough damage to cause
the new awesome woman he's met to
lose respect for him. Which makes sense,
because really what he has done has shown
her that his self-esteem is SO WEAK,
that HE IS WEAK.

This is why I HATE it when "nice guys"
get associated with characters like the
guy in the movie.

This guy doesn't lose the initial girl because he's NICE.
He loses her because he's too weak to see that
he shouldn't have been with her in the first
place and he's too weak to see that he needs
to develop himself INSIDE first!

This isn't nice.
This isn't good.
It's pathetic.

When a woman says "Are you strong enough to
be my man", she doesn't mean are you a bad
boy!!!! She means, are you a good guy and
STRONG about it, are you a good man who
is STRONG about his goodness, or will he
need validation and will he need to pretend
to be a pimp or playa or alpha idiot who is
so scared inside that he can't even tell the
difference between an amazing woman
who treats him well and a woman that
treats him like garbage.

It's only when he FULLY REALIZES
and FULLY GROWS inside, when
he become strong enough to have
NO DOUBTS about what really
is important, is he able to truly
win the girl who is beautiful and
a fantastic person as well.

So, this movie wasn't actually bad at all.
But it was a WAKE-UP call to me that
reminded me the things I take for granted
now are only because I was lucky enough
to LEARN all this stuff so that this movie
seemed ABSURD to me.

I want there to be a day when this movie
seems ABSURD to EVERY MAN ON
EARTH.

And that will ONLY happen if every man
on EARTH gets the message and is willing
to put in the WORK to DEVELOP the
internal skills and external skills regarding
attraction, self-esteem, emotion, and
charisma.

Don't let yourself be like the guy in the movie
who is so IMMERSED in the ILLUSIONS
that are destroying him, that FIVE YEARS
go by and even his BEST FRIEND cannot
help him when he is pleading and trying
so hard to wake him UP from the insanity.