by Ron Louis & David Copeland
Question:
How do I find out if a woman is receptive to being approached by me?
Answer:
We never suggest pushing a woman, trying to "talk her into liking you," or becoming submissive and acting like a supplicant "so she'll like you."
We are against giving her things you don't want to give her, or doing things for her that you don't want to do, in order to "get her to like you," too.
However...
You probably are often in situations where you don't know if a woman is receptive or not.
Perhaps it's in a bookstore, as you watch a desirable woman browse the books. Or perhaps it's at a coffee shop, wondering if a woman might like you as you watch her working on her laptop computer.
One of the big traps men fall into is they don't find out if a woman is receptive or not. If she's not, then fine, you can move on. But you have to find out. How to do that?
1. Saying "hi" right away.
If you said "hi" to that woman at the coffee shop when you first saw her, and she didn't say "hi" back, you'd have a good idea that she's not very receptive to your approaching her. If she did say "hi" back, then you both have a little invested in the relationship, and it will be easier to talk with her more later.
2. Assessing her "vibe."
With some women, you really might get the sense that there is a wall around them that they are really in their own world.
In that situation, the average guy will make this mistake — he'll assume that if he was better with women, he'd be able to break down that wall, talk to that woman, and get her into bed in 20 minutes or less.
Then the average guy will feel bad about himself. Has that ever happened to you?
The truth is, some women are highly unreceptive, and it doesn't have anything to do with you, and there's nothing you are going to be able to do bout it. Stop idealizing her as "the perfect woman, who got away" and stop beating yourself up about it.
3. Check out her level of eye contact.
If you are around anyone, you are likely to make accidental eye contact — unless that person is making an effort to make sure that eye contact does not occur. If you can't catch her eye, it doesn't mean that the game is over, but it might mean that she's less open to you than you might like.
4. Being a source of certainty that the interaction is going okay.
Remember, most of the time, a woman is looking to you to gauge whether or not she should be tense in an interaction. If you seem relaxed, she'll be much more likely to relax, too.
On the other hand, if you are tense, she'll be tense, too.
Don't wait for her to relax first — have the faith that the interaction is okay, even before there's any proof of it.
Providing that certainty is _much_ more important than having the "perfect line." You can bumble all over the place, but if you are a source of certainty, then you will have a much better chance with her.
5. See how she responds to comments.
You can find out if a woman is receptive by making some little comment, and seeing how she responds to it.
For instance — If you are using your laptop computer outside at a coffee shop, and it is too bright to see the screen so you came back inside, you might say something like, "Wow, it's nice out, but too bright to see the screen" as you pass by her.
See how she responds — if she grunts or says nothing, she's probably feeling unapproachable. If she gives you an entire sentence, you are on your way!
6. Try a simple conversation-starter.
Get this — It IS permissible to start a conversation with a very tepid, non-romantic question.
You don't have to be romantic right off the bat — just try a little test to find out if she's interested in talking with you.
Look for something in the environment you can comment on, or something about her person that you can ask a question about. Then make your comment or ask your question.
It's perfectly fine to start a conversation with, "Excuse me, I notice you have an Apple laptop. How do you like it?" You just need to get something started. It can get romantic later.
It's also excellent to ask, "What's the story behind that?" about some article on her person. For instance, you might say, "Excuse me, I couldn't help noticing your unusual necklace. I can't recall ever seeing one like that before. If you wouldn't mind me asking, what's the story behind that?"
These are good ways to open conversations with any woman, and will help you see how receptive she is.
7. Don't beat yourself up for "missed" opportunities.
We've said it before, and we'll say it again: It does you no good to beat yourself up for not talking to every woman who crosses your path.
Sometimes you'll "miss" opportunities with women. Don't beat yourself up about it. Beating yourself up about missing opportunities with women only makes things worse.
We believe that this is true: "Missing" opportunities — and not beating yourself up about them — is part of learning to actually take opportunities.
The sequence looks like this: 1) You believe there are no opportunities. Eventually, that leads to 2) You see opportunities, but don't take them, which leads to 3) seeing opportunities and taking them. Let yourself feel good about even _seeing_ the opportunity to approach a woman. That will help you take the opportunity in the future.
More women than you think want you to approach them. Use these tips to find out which ones, and take action!
How to Be the Bad Boy Women Love: Getting the Women You Desire to Pursue You by Being Hard to Get
Email comments and questions: davidc@howtosucceedwithwomen.com
To visit our website: HowToSucceedWithWomen.com Write us: P.O. Box 55094, Madison, WI 53705
Ron and David are dating coaches. How to Succeed With Women has sold over 40,000 copies. They have been featured in magazines such as Cosmopolitan, Playboy, YM, Maxim, GQ UK, Swank, Gallery, and Players. They have also been on the Rosanne Barr Show, the Issac Hays show, To Tell the Truth, Fox News, CNN, UPN, and ABC.
Read more!
Friday, April 24, 2009
Making a Change and Sticking With It
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by Luscious
When you decide that you want to change your dead-end life around into something a little more promising, it won't happen overnight.
Sorry to break it to you, but you're going to have to work for it. You can't just say, "Damn, I gotta make some changes", and then expect things to take care of themselves. You have to take an ACTIVE role in this!
I can't stress this enough, because I almost fell into this trap a while back. Once you are progressing towards where you want to be, this does NOT mean you can ease up and expect to coast the rest of the way. If you ease up for too long, you're going to regress backwards, and it ain't pretty.
To make a solid change in your life, you need to have the motivation and commitment to stick with it and follow it through to the end.
A fitting analogy is weight loss — have you noticed how many people make a New Year's resolution to lose weight in the new year, and they hit the gym in January, lose 5 pounds, and then slack off and end up gaining 10 pounds? The same thing applies to changing your life — if you stop putting effort into it, you won't get anything out of it.
Once you see changes occurring in your life, that's great — step back for a moment, be proud of yourself, take a deep breath — and then get back at it, because you will get benefits equal to the effort you put into it.
Another analogy: Let's say that you have an automobile, and you're driving on the uphill 'road of self-improvement'. The fuel for this car is EFFORT. If you don't put in the effort, do NOT expect that car to be going up the hill — it will roll backwards down the hill. The only way to keep that car going over the hill is to give it a steady fuel supply of EFFORT.
If you are going to make a change in your life, you need to have that fire within you — you need to be able to COMMIT to following this change through to the end. You need to have the motivation and will to put that effort in for an extended period of time.
I see a lot of people asking about why they have relapsed into their AFC tendencies from their old days, or why they just can't shake certain habits that are holding them back. In order to keep from going backwards or idling in life, you need to keep going FORWARDS.
Always keep moving in a positive direction. By all means, stop to enjoy the scenery — but don't you dare forget that you have a destination and that you WILL reach that goal. REFUSE to let yourself down.
It doesn't matter how much you read here if you don't want to make the effort of implementing the knowledge in your everyday life! It's pointless — you're just wasting your time reading these articles and posts if you don't intend to get out there and MAKE SOMETHING HAPPEN!
All the great athletes never got to be such dominating forces in their sports without practicing. You need to practice yourself silly and be able to overcome the small setbacks and obstacles in order to succeed. When you wake up in the morning, we recommit ourselves to making that day the ABSOLUTE BEST DAY that we possibly can — and then the next day we try to do that again, and again.
Guys, I can't stress this enough. You will only get as much out of your life as you put into it. Put the most into improving yourself as you can, and watch your life improve. Stick WITH that effort, and ANYTHING is possible.
Read more!
When you decide that you want to change your dead-end life around into something a little more promising, it won't happen overnight.
Sorry to break it to you, but you're going to have to work for it. You can't just say, "Damn, I gotta make some changes", and then expect things to take care of themselves. You have to take an ACTIVE role in this!
I can't stress this enough, because I almost fell into this trap a while back. Once you are progressing towards where you want to be, this does NOT mean you can ease up and expect to coast the rest of the way. If you ease up for too long, you're going to regress backwards, and it ain't pretty.
To make a solid change in your life, you need to have the motivation and commitment to stick with it and follow it through to the end.
A fitting analogy is weight loss — have you noticed how many people make a New Year's resolution to lose weight in the new year, and they hit the gym in January, lose 5 pounds, and then slack off and end up gaining 10 pounds? The same thing applies to changing your life — if you stop putting effort into it, you won't get anything out of it.
Once you see changes occurring in your life, that's great — step back for a moment, be proud of yourself, take a deep breath — and then get back at it, because you will get benefits equal to the effort you put into it.
Another analogy: Let's say that you have an automobile, and you're driving on the uphill 'road of self-improvement'. The fuel for this car is EFFORT. If you don't put in the effort, do NOT expect that car to be going up the hill — it will roll backwards down the hill. The only way to keep that car going over the hill is to give it a steady fuel supply of EFFORT.
If you are going to make a change in your life, you need to have that fire within you — you need to be able to COMMIT to following this change through to the end. You need to have the motivation and will to put that effort in for an extended period of time.
I see a lot of people asking about why they have relapsed into their AFC tendencies from their old days, or why they just can't shake certain habits that are holding them back. In order to keep from going backwards or idling in life, you need to keep going FORWARDS.
Always keep moving in a positive direction. By all means, stop to enjoy the scenery — but don't you dare forget that you have a destination and that you WILL reach that goal. REFUSE to let yourself down.
It doesn't matter how much you read here if you don't want to make the effort of implementing the knowledge in your everyday life! It's pointless — you're just wasting your time reading these articles and posts if you don't intend to get out there and MAKE SOMETHING HAPPEN!
All the great athletes never got to be such dominating forces in their sports without practicing. You need to practice yourself silly and be able to overcome the small setbacks and obstacles in order to succeed. When you wake up in the morning, we recommit ourselves to making that day the ABSOLUTE BEST DAY that we possibly can — and then the next day we try to do that again, and again.
Guys, I can't stress this enough. You will only get as much out of your life as you put into it. Put the most into improving yourself as you can, and watch your life improve. Stick WITH that effort, and ANYTHING is possible.
Read more!
Thursday, April 23, 2009
The Most Powerful Girl-Gettin Technique of All Time
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by Allen Thompson
I'm browsing through a Pier 1 Imports store, checking out the many cool and unique items.
I'm feeling good — very good, in fact. It's hot, the sun is shining, and there's some hip reggae on the sound system. (Nothing like the combination of heat, sun, and reggae to bring out my not-so-deeply-hidden parrothead side.)
I'm bouncing through the store, a big smile on my face, practically dancing through the isles, and finding all kinds of interesting stuff for the "bachelor pad."
I look up, and what do I spy, but a major cutie (a store employee) in the tightest, most form-fittingest jeans I've ever seen. She's been watching me it appears, checking me out. As I catch her eye, she startles, and immediately looks the other way, getting back to her work — putting things on shelves and such.
I smile to myself.
Then I just laugh.
I knew this one was going to be easy. My "work" was already done.
She hadn't just noticed me, she had seen me HAPPY. She had witnessed me bouncing around with a big smile on my face, dancing through the isles, feeling great, almost like a kid in a candy store. I knew, assuming she wasn't married, the outcome of our imminent interaction was pretty much assured.
I continued my browsing, and about 3 minutes later she comes over to see if I need any help. Conversation, flirting, and laughter ensued, numbers were exchanged, and we both went on our merry little ways... just a little bit happier than we were before.
It really doesn't get any easier.
It really doesn't have to be all that hard.
At this site we talk about a lot of cool and unusual ways of attracting and intriguing women. And these are cool, interesting, and great to read, no doubt about it.
But we often ignore and overlook some of the most basic "techniques." And that, unfortunately, includes the most basic, most important, most powerful, and EASIEST WAY to capture a woman's heart, mind, and imagination — and that's simply the power of happiness.
Happiness attracts!
Happiness will get you women!
And nothing is easier or more powerful!
NO, not even the "confidence" that we so frequently discuss.
A happy man with low confidence will have little trouble with women, while an unhappy man with high confidence may find himself struggling. Of course, that being said, happiness and confidence almost always go together. Happy guys are generally pretty confident guys, and confident guys are generally pretty happy guys.
There's not a perfect correlation, but they're related enough that it's reasonable to assume that if we can increase our level of happiness, then we'd most likely also increase our level of confidence. And vice versa.
So rather than focus so much on building confidence, which most guys seem to have quite a problem achieving, maybe a better strategy might be to focus on building happiness.
You have to remember that most people in this world are not all that happy. Most are just getting by, often bored, frequently depressed, rarely excited. So when they meet someone who is happy and who seems to be happy most of the time, they're intrigued, fascinated, and drawn to that person.
They want to try to get some of that happiness for themselves!
And this is especially true for women.
Remember, women are highly emotional critters. They don't think logically like you and me. They like, want, NEED to feel things. So if you can capture a woman's emotions, make her think that you bring, spread, and exude "happiness" wherever you go, she'll do just about anything to get you, and just about anything to keep you.
So YOU, my future Dons, are going to be Mr. Happiness, Mr. Positivity, Mr. I'm Doing Great! You are going to be her happiness drug, her "fix." And friends, when you are not around, she's going to have FREAKIN WITHDRAWAL PAINS!
You are NOT going to be like everyone else... one of the many, lonely, pathetic individuals looking for happiness, excitement, and personal fulfillment in OTHERS. You are not going to be that unhappy, bored, lethargic individual desperately searching for your "soul mate" to make your life wonderful and complete...
...like 98% of the people in this world!!
You are going to be the one doing the attracting, not the one doing the chasing. Attracting because you have, or seem to have, what women, and everyone else, wants. You are going to be what they are looking for. You are going to be a Don Juan.
I can hear some of you: "I understand what you're saying, and you're right. But I'm not really all that happy. I'm lonely. My life is dull. I'm tired of watching television. I'm tired of staying home all the time. But I know if I had that one special girl in my life, to do things with, then I'd be happy. Heck, that's why I came to this site."
And you're right. You probably would be happier if you had a special girl in your life, especially one that really rocks your world. Girls is good stuff to have around, no doubt about it.
And, by the way, that's one of the reasons for the "feast or famine" dating phenomenon that most every guy is familiar with.
It seems that when it comes to attracting and dating women, you're either surrounded by women who are all shamelessly throwing themselves at you... or you're surrounded by women who are all doing their best to completely ignore you (and doing a great job at it). There doesn't really seem to be much of a middle ground.
You either have more women than you can handle, or you have no women that you can handle.
Of course one of the primary reasons for this is the "happiness" factor. When you're seeing that special girl that really gets your griddle sizzlin, you're happy, much happier than your usual self... and other girls notice, other girls are intrigued, other girls want to find out more, and other girls want to try to get a little bit of that happiness for themselves.
At this point, it's easy. You don't even really have to try. You're on the verge of Don Juanism... at least temporarily.
On the other hand, when you're lonely, depressed, bored, desperate... you "show it" — with your body language, your facial expressions, the tone in your voice, etc. — and girls want nothing to do with you. They've got enough unhappiness and misery of their own. They don't need to be worrying about you as well.
So yes I can understand you wanting to find someone special in order to be happy. That is what most guys (and girls) do. Unfortunately, this is putting the Don Juan Cart Before the Horse so to speak.
If you're looking for someone else to make you happy, to give your life meaning, to make you "complete", then you're doing things, as the French would say, bass ackwards. Yes, you're doing things like 98% of the people in the world, but it's still wrong.
So wrong.
Just wrong.
Don Juans don't pursue women in a desperate, pathetic attempt at happiness, or to complete themselves, or any of the other hogwash that Hollywood likes to dish out. Don Juans make themselves happy, deliriously happy, FIRST. And then "pick and choose" amongst all the incredible women who are now interested, attracted, and intrigued. This is the goal.
This is the Holy Grail of dating.
The goal is not simply to pursue so many women that eventually you wind up catching one or two. Well, maybe at first, but not ultimately.
The goal is to develop that "aura" that attracts, intrigues, fascinates... and gets them pursuing you. (Note: You may still have to make most of the "moves." But the women will do their best to make it extremely easy for you.)
Okay, if we can accept the fact that happiness attracts women like nothing else, let's talk just briefly about HOW TO GET HAPPY.
In the future we'll talk more extensively about ways to temporarily "fake" happiness, especially when you're not really feeling all that great. But let us here, first of all, talk about some ways to actually make ourselves a little happier, really.
I'm not going to try to distill the wisdom of the ages into just a few paragraphs. Heck, there are probably hundreds of books at your local bookstore dealing with this very subject. But I would like to give you an easy exercise that just might get you jump-started in the right direction.
First, remember that happiness and unhappiness work a little something like this:
We are happy when we're thinking good things and unhappy when thinking bad things. In other words, our thoughts, or what we CHOOSE to think about, determine whether we are happy or not. (Nothing really mind-boggling here, folks.)
If we're thinking about ourselves in a negative way (what we lack, our particular faults, things we don't like about ourselves) and/or comparing ourselves to others who are seemingly more blessed than us (guys who are rich, famous, handsome, surrounded by women), then we're not going to be very happy... and others will notice.
However, if we're thinking about ourselves in a positive way (what we have, all our good points, about things that we really like about ourselves) and/or comparing ourselves to others who seem to be less fortunate than us, then we're going to be much happier... and people will notice.
In other words, happiness is not something that "happens" to you; it's not something that's objectively determined and out of your control. Happiness is determined entirely by what you think, and what you think is up to you.
You can be destitute, alone, living in a cardboard box, and still be deliriously happy if you choose to be. (Maybe focusing your mental energy on your good health and feeling bad for the fellow living in the box next to you who can hardly walk.)
You can also be the richest, best-looking, most famous and well-liked guy in the world, and still be miserable, if you choose to focus on "bad" things. (Maybe the love of your life divorced you two years ago, your nephew died recently, you don't think you have any "real" friends, or whatever.)
Again, this is not mind-boggling stuff here. I hope you all realize this already.
So what we need to do in order to make ourselves happier, and start attracting the chickies, is to train ourselves in the HABIT of happiness thinking. Happiness is a habit of thought — it's a learned, conditioned behavior.
Most people, unfortunately, have developed the habit of unhappiness thinking. Always obsessing over what they don't have, what they hate about themselves, constantly comparing themselves to others who are better off, etc.
In order to become Don Juans, we need to retrain our minds. We need to train our minds to habitually think happy thoughts rather than unhappy ones.
The following is very simple, very commonsensical, but will definitely work, if you give it a try.
Take out a piece of paper and begin writing down happiness thoughts — things which when you read or think about them trigger states of happiness, or confidence, or pleasure in your mind.
For example, write down all the things you like about yourself, all the things you've accomplished, all the things that make you a great human being to be around. Include things such as:
* personality characteristics (your great sense of humor)
* physical characteristics (your killer hair)
* accomplishments (your MS in electrical engineering)
* specific memories that put a smile on your face and make you feel good
* possessions (maybe a great car that any woman would be lucky to even sit in)
* friends, family, associates
* etc.
Anything and everything you can think of. Anything that makes you realize that you're not a loser, that you're actually a heck of a guy, and any woman would be LUCKY to have a shot at you.
Write down as many things as you can think of now — you may need several sheets of paper — then put the paper on your dresser or on your kitchen table or someplace conspicuous and continually add to it over the next couple weeks, every time you think of something new.
Heck, write down that smiling little girl that you saw on the news the other day, the one who's 6 years old and already has had 15 operations because of a birth defect. How could anyone watch or think about something like that and not feel extremely fortunate that they themselves were born healthy and normal.
Once you have all your lists, you need to start training your mind to focus more on the great things about you and your life, rather than focusing on the things you don't like.
To break the bad habit of negative, unhappiness thinking, we need to repeatedly, over a period of time, maybe a few weeks, force ourselves to think about, remember, and focus on things that generate a positive, confident, and happy emotional state.
We're not going to get rid of our negative thoughts by not thinking about our faults and failures. (In order to consciously not think about something, you have to think about it.) We're going to get rid of our negative thoughts by replacing them with positive ones.
Once we have our sheets of paper, all we have to do is schedule time to review.
Spend 5 or 10 minutes before going to sleep reviewing your lists. Spend another 5 or 10 minutes in the morning doing the same. 5 minutes during lunch. Another 5 in the afternoon.
Don't make this hard. Don't make it a chore. It should actually be fun and something that you look forward to. (Who doesn't like to feel good?)
Spend a few weeks doing this, a few weeks reviewing your lists and retraining your mind. It WILL work. Your thinking will change. Your manner will change. Your walk will change. Your body language will change. Your confidence will change. You will become happier.
And women will notice!
Allen Thompson
Read more!
I'm browsing through a Pier 1 Imports store, checking out the many cool and unique items.
I'm feeling good — very good, in fact. It's hot, the sun is shining, and there's some hip reggae on the sound system. (Nothing like the combination of heat, sun, and reggae to bring out my not-so-deeply-hidden parrothead side.)
I'm bouncing through the store, a big smile on my face, practically dancing through the isles, and finding all kinds of interesting stuff for the "bachelor pad."
I look up, and what do I spy, but a major cutie (a store employee) in the tightest, most form-fittingest jeans I've ever seen. She's been watching me it appears, checking me out. As I catch her eye, she startles, and immediately looks the other way, getting back to her work — putting things on shelves and such.
I smile to myself.
Then I just laugh.
I knew this one was going to be easy. My "work" was already done.
She hadn't just noticed me, she had seen me HAPPY. She had witnessed me bouncing around with a big smile on my face, dancing through the isles, feeling great, almost like a kid in a candy store. I knew, assuming she wasn't married, the outcome of our imminent interaction was pretty much assured.
I continued my browsing, and about 3 minutes later she comes over to see if I need any help. Conversation, flirting, and laughter ensued, numbers were exchanged, and we both went on our merry little ways... just a little bit happier than we were before.
It really doesn't get any easier.
It really doesn't have to be all that hard.
At this site we talk about a lot of cool and unusual ways of attracting and intriguing women. And these are cool, interesting, and great to read, no doubt about it.
But we often ignore and overlook some of the most basic "techniques." And that, unfortunately, includes the most basic, most important, most powerful, and EASIEST WAY to capture a woman's heart, mind, and imagination — and that's simply the power of happiness.
Happiness attracts!
Happiness will get you women!
And nothing is easier or more powerful!
NO, not even the "confidence" that we so frequently discuss.
A happy man with low confidence will have little trouble with women, while an unhappy man with high confidence may find himself struggling. Of course, that being said, happiness and confidence almost always go together. Happy guys are generally pretty confident guys, and confident guys are generally pretty happy guys.
There's not a perfect correlation, but they're related enough that it's reasonable to assume that if we can increase our level of happiness, then we'd most likely also increase our level of confidence. And vice versa.
So rather than focus so much on building confidence, which most guys seem to have quite a problem achieving, maybe a better strategy might be to focus on building happiness.
You have to remember that most people in this world are not all that happy. Most are just getting by, often bored, frequently depressed, rarely excited. So when they meet someone who is happy and who seems to be happy most of the time, they're intrigued, fascinated, and drawn to that person.
They want to try to get some of that happiness for themselves!
And this is especially true for women.
Remember, women are highly emotional critters. They don't think logically like you and me. They like, want, NEED to feel things. So if you can capture a woman's emotions, make her think that you bring, spread, and exude "happiness" wherever you go, she'll do just about anything to get you, and just about anything to keep you.
So YOU, my future Dons, are going to be Mr. Happiness, Mr. Positivity, Mr. I'm Doing Great! You are going to be her happiness drug, her "fix." And friends, when you are not around, she's going to have FREAKIN WITHDRAWAL PAINS!
You are NOT going to be like everyone else... one of the many, lonely, pathetic individuals looking for happiness, excitement, and personal fulfillment in OTHERS. You are not going to be that unhappy, bored, lethargic individual desperately searching for your "soul mate" to make your life wonderful and complete...
...like 98% of the people in this world!!
You are going to be the one doing the attracting, not the one doing the chasing. Attracting because you have, or seem to have, what women, and everyone else, wants. You are going to be what they are looking for. You are going to be a Don Juan.
I can hear some of you: "I understand what you're saying, and you're right. But I'm not really all that happy. I'm lonely. My life is dull. I'm tired of watching television. I'm tired of staying home all the time. But I know if I had that one special girl in my life, to do things with, then I'd be happy. Heck, that's why I came to this site."
And you're right. You probably would be happier if you had a special girl in your life, especially one that really rocks your world. Girls is good stuff to have around, no doubt about it.
And, by the way, that's one of the reasons for the "feast or famine" dating phenomenon that most every guy is familiar with.
It seems that when it comes to attracting and dating women, you're either surrounded by women who are all shamelessly throwing themselves at you... or you're surrounded by women who are all doing their best to completely ignore you (and doing a great job at it). There doesn't really seem to be much of a middle ground.
You either have more women than you can handle, or you have no women that you can handle.
Of course one of the primary reasons for this is the "happiness" factor. When you're seeing that special girl that really gets your griddle sizzlin, you're happy, much happier than your usual self... and other girls notice, other girls are intrigued, other girls want to find out more, and other girls want to try to get a little bit of that happiness for themselves.
At this point, it's easy. You don't even really have to try. You're on the verge of Don Juanism... at least temporarily.
On the other hand, when you're lonely, depressed, bored, desperate... you "show it" — with your body language, your facial expressions, the tone in your voice, etc. — and girls want nothing to do with you. They've got enough unhappiness and misery of their own. They don't need to be worrying about you as well.
So yes I can understand you wanting to find someone special in order to be happy. That is what most guys (and girls) do. Unfortunately, this is putting the Don Juan Cart Before the Horse so to speak.
If you're looking for someone else to make you happy, to give your life meaning, to make you "complete", then you're doing things, as the French would say, bass ackwards. Yes, you're doing things like 98% of the people in the world, but it's still wrong.
So wrong.
Just wrong.
Don Juans don't pursue women in a desperate, pathetic attempt at happiness, or to complete themselves, or any of the other hogwash that Hollywood likes to dish out. Don Juans make themselves happy, deliriously happy, FIRST. And then "pick and choose" amongst all the incredible women who are now interested, attracted, and intrigued. This is the goal.
This is the Holy Grail of dating.
The goal is not simply to pursue so many women that eventually you wind up catching one or two. Well, maybe at first, but not ultimately.
The goal is to develop that "aura" that attracts, intrigues, fascinates... and gets them pursuing you. (Note: You may still have to make most of the "moves." But the women will do their best to make it extremely easy for you.)
Okay, if we can accept the fact that happiness attracts women like nothing else, let's talk just briefly about HOW TO GET HAPPY.
In the future we'll talk more extensively about ways to temporarily "fake" happiness, especially when you're not really feeling all that great. But let us here, first of all, talk about some ways to actually make ourselves a little happier, really.
I'm not going to try to distill the wisdom of the ages into just a few paragraphs. Heck, there are probably hundreds of books at your local bookstore dealing with this very subject. But I would like to give you an easy exercise that just might get you jump-started in the right direction.
First, remember that happiness and unhappiness work a little something like this:
We are happy when we're thinking good things and unhappy when thinking bad things. In other words, our thoughts, or what we CHOOSE to think about, determine whether we are happy or not. (Nothing really mind-boggling here, folks.)
If we're thinking about ourselves in a negative way (what we lack, our particular faults, things we don't like about ourselves) and/or comparing ourselves to others who are seemingly more blessed than us (guys who are rich, famous, handsome, surrounded by women), then we're not going to be very happy... and others will notice.
However, if we're thinking about ourselves in a positive way (what we have, all our good points, about things that we really like about ourselves) and/or comparing ourselves to others who seem to be less fortunate than us, then we're going to be much happier... and people will notice.
In other words, happiness is not something that "happens" to you; it's not something that's objectively determined and out of your control. Happiness is determined entirely by what you think, and what you think is up to you.
You can be destitute, alone, living in a cardboard box, and still be deliriously happy if you choose to be. (Maybe focusing your mental energy on your good health and feeling bad for the fellow living in the box next to you who can hardly walk.)
You can also be the richest, best-looking, most famous and well-liked guy in the world, and still be miserable, if you choose to focus on "bad" things. (Maybe the love of your life divorced you two years ago, your nephew died recently, you don't think you have any "real" friends, or whatever.)
Again, this is not mind-boggling stuff here. I hope you all realize this already.
So what we need to do in order to make ourselves happier, and start attracting the chickies, is to train ourselves in the HABIT of happiness thinking. Happiness is a habit of thought — it's a learned, conditioned behavior.
Most people, unfortunately, have developed the habit of unhappiness thinking. Always obsessing over what they don't have, what they hate about themselves, constantly comparing themselves to others who are better off, etc.
In order to become Don Juans, we need to retrain our minds. We need to train our minds to habitually think happy thoughts rather than unhappy ones.
The following is very simple, very commonsensical, but will definitely work, if you give it a try.
Take out a piece of paper and begin writing down happiness thoughts — things which when you read or think about them trigger states of happiness, or confidence, or pleasure in your mind.
For example, write down all the things you like about yourself, all the things you've accomplished, all the things that make you a great human being to be around. Include things such as:
* personality characteristics (your great sense of humor)
* physical characteristics (your killer hair)
* accomplishments (your MS in electrical engineering)
* specific memories that put a smile on your face and make you feel good
* possessions (maybe a great car that any woman would be lucky to even sit in)
* friends, family, associates
* etc.
Anything and everything you can think of. Anything that makes you realize that you're not a loser, that you're actually a heck of a guy, and any woman would be LUCKY to have a shot at you.
Write down as many things as you can think of now — you may need several sheets of paper — then put the paper on your dresser or on your kitchen table or someplace conspicuous and continually add to it over the next couple weeks, every time you think of something new.
Heck, write down that smiling little girl that you saw on the news the other day, the one who's 6 years old and already has had 15 operations because of a birth defect. How could anyone watch or think about something like that and not feel extremely fortunate that they themselves were born healthy and normal.
Once you have all your lists, you need to start training your mind to focus more on the great things about you and your life, rather than focusing on the things you don't like.
To break the bad habit of negative, unhappiness thinking, we need to repeatedly, over a period of time, maybe a few weeks, force ourselves to think about, remember, and focus on things that generate a positive, confident, and happy emotional state.
We're not going to get rid of our negative thoughts by not thinking about our faults and failures. (In order to consciously not think about something, you have to think about it.) We're going to get rid of our negative thoughts by replacing them with positive ones.
Once we have our sheets of paper, all we have to do is schedule time to review.
Spend 5 or 10 minutes before going to sleep reviewing your lists. Spend another 5 or 10 minutes in the morning doing the same. 5 minutes during lunch. Another 5 in the afternoon.
Don't make this hard. Don't make it a chore. It should actually be fun and something that you look forward to. (Who doesn't like to feel good?)
Spend a few weeks doing this, a few weeks reviewing your lists and retraining your mind. It WILL work. Your thinking will change. Your manner will change. Your walk will change. Your body language will change. Your confidence will change. You will become happier.
And women will notice!
Allen Thompson
Read more!
Beware EVIL Women!
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by Joseph Matthews
This may be the most important article you've ever read.
Seriously.
This one article will be able to save you tons and TONS of heartache AND money IF you heed the advice you'll find within it.
Why?
Because the advice I'm about to give you is designed to protect you from THE most dangerous and harmful thing on the face of the planet...
EVIL WOMEN.
Just like all things, there is good, and there is evil. The good can be a tremendously positive force in your life, filling it with joy and happiness. The evil, however, can cause tremendous pain, suffering, and even DEATH.
It's no different with women.
There are good women in this world, and there are women that can only be described as EVIL. The purpose of this article is to help you spot the bad ones so you can save yourself from untold suffering and focus all your attention on finding a good woman that you can have amazing experiences with.
The first thing I want to say about EVIL women is that it is important to spot them early! And once spotted, it is important not to have any type of contact with them if you want to enjoy complete happiness in your love life.
Of course, sometimes it can be very tempting to have a one-night stand or hot-and-heavy fling with a woman who is bad for you. And sometimes, everything can turn out okay. But that doesn't mean you're not still playing Russian roulette with your love life!
The best defense against EVIL women is knowing the type of woman you want.
EXACTLY the type of woman you want.
When you know what you want, your search for the woman that's right for you becomes much narrower and focused, so instantly you filter out a great many of the women you'll be wasting your time with.
For instance, let's say you're looking for a serious girlfriend...
What are the things you'd want in a woman who's going to be a good girlfriend? Let's say you'd like a woman who really enjoys outdoor activities (because that's what you enjoy). So you're girlfriend has to be an avid outdoorsman. BOOM! You've just narrowed your search and eliminated a good 90% of the EVIL women that are out there.
But there's still that 10% you have to look out for.
The next thing you should be aware of is if she is in a profession that lends itself to "unbalanced" personalities.
For instance, if the girl is, or has ever been, a stripper, a prostitute, or a porn actress, her chances of causing you incredible amounts of trouble are EXTREMELY great. And we're not just talking about the mental trouble either, they could very well give you a disease from which you may never recover!
Another thing to look out for is self-destructive habits. If you notice the woman you're with is a heavy drug user or alcoholic... RUN. Do not get seriously involved with women who drink too much, do too many drugs, or both. These are women who will care more about the substances they abuse than YOU. And they are also women who care nothing about themselves, and getting emotionally attached to someone who cares nothing for their well-being is a painful endeavor.
Some people criticize me for saying this, but I do believe it... BEWARE SINGLE MOTHERS! If you're getting involved with a woman who already has a kid, you're opening yourself up for a great deal of trouble down the line.
Why?
Because if she got pregnant once by some other guy, chances are she'll get pregnant by YOU! Even if you use birth control! And if she DOES get pregnant, chances are she'll go ahead and have the baby. This means that whether you break up with her or not, you'll be stuck paying child support for the next 18 years! Now, if the idea of shelling out your hard-earned cash for a kid you never wanted to a woman you don't like for the next 18 years of your life doesn't appeal to you — STAY AWAY FROM SINGLE MOMS!
In addition to that warning above, single moms will always choose their kids over you, which means you will always get the short end of the stick when it comes to her time and attention. So if you want lots of sex and adventures in your relationship, you can throw that away when dealing with a single mom! And not only that, but depending on what state you live in, if her kid gets attached to you, you might be legally liable for child support EVEN IF IT ISN'T YOUR KID! Check your local laws to be certain.
Watch out for women who are too clingy and get jealous easily! These are women who are incredibly insecure, and most likely they will cheat on you! In fact, the more jealous they are, the more likely it is they are sleeping around. This is because people tend to project their own behaviors on others, and if they think you're cheating on them, chances are it's because they, themselves, are cheating (or thinking about it!).
Watch how the woman treats her own family. Typically, women who have good relationships with their mother AND father are well balanced women who will treat you well. If they hate EITHER of their parents, chances are they're going to end up treating you the same way.
As a side note to this, loot at how her parents treat each other if you get the chance. If their relationship is a good one, chances are the relationship you have with her will be good too! The same is true if the parents have a BAD relationship.
Also, look to see if the woman you like also likes children. It doesn't matter if you want to have kids or not. If a woman does not like kids, that's a statement about her own capacity to love and nurture! If she hates kids, then it's a very good possibility she is incapable of deep commitment and personal connection, and will end up using and abusing the man she is with!
And finally, if you find out that you're with an EVIL woman, do not hesitate to DUMP her immediately!
And when I say dump, I mean DUMP. Delete her number from your phone, do not see her or talk to her again. Cut her out of your life completely! And if she comes crawling back to you promising to change, DO NOT TAKE HER BACK. She won't change, and she'll make your life even WORSE than it was when you were with her before. Be strong and leave her behind completely, and work towards finding a good, positive woman to have in your life.
You can't protect yourself 100% from EVIL women, but if you follow the guidelines I've given you above, then you have an extremely good chance of filtering them all out.
So how do you find yourself a good woman?
Well, odd enough as it sounds, the quality of the woman you can get directly depends on how high you value yourself!
This means building a strong self-image that you can present to the world.
In my book, The Art of Approaching, I go into great detail on how to do this. Everything from building extreme confidence with women, to how to get them to go out with you is in there! If you haven't checked out my book yet, you can do so by clicking on the link below:
The Art of Approaching
Learn everything I have to teach, and you will be able to find a GOOD woman you'll want to be with for a long, long time.
Wishing you success,
Joseph Matthews
Read more!
This may be the most important article you've ever read.
Seriously.
This one article will be able to save you tons and TONS of heartache AND money IF you heed the advice you'll find within it.
Why?
Because the advice I'm about to give you is designed to protect you from THE most dangerous and harmful thing on the face of the planet...
EVIL WOMEN.
Just like all things, there is good, and there is evil. The good can be a tremendously positive force in your life, filling it with joy and happiness. The evil, however, can cause tremendous pain, suffering, and even DEATH.
It's no different with women.
There are good women in this world, and there are women that can only be described as EVIL. The purpose of this article is to help you spot the bad ones so you can save yourself from untold suffering and focus all your attention on finding a good woman that you can have amazing experiences with.
The first thing I want to say about EVIL women is that it is important to spot them early! And once spotted, it is important not to have any type of contact with them if you want to enjoy complete happiness in your love life.
Of course, sometimes it can be very tempting to have a one-night stand or hot-and-heavy fling with a woman who is bad for you. And sometimes, everything can turn out okay. But that doesn't mean you're not still playing Russian roulette with your love life!
The best defense against EVIL women is knowing the type of woman you want.
EXACTLY the type of woman you want.
When you know what you want, your search for the woman that's right for you becomes much narrower and focused, so instantly you filter out a great many of the women you'll be wasting your time with.
For instance, let's say you're looking for a serious girlfriend...
What are the things you'd want in a woman who's going to be a good girlfriend? Let's say you'd like a woman who really enjoys outdoor activities (because that's what you enjoy). So you're girlfriend has to be an avid outdoorsman. BOOM! You've just narrowed your search and eliminated a good 90% of the EVIL women that are out there.
But there's still that 10% you have to look out for.
The next thing you should be aware of is if she is in a profession that lends itself to "unbalanced" personalities.
For instance, if the girl is, or has ever been, a stripper, a prostitute, or a porn actress, her chances of causing you incredible amounts of trouble are EXTREMELY great. And we're not just talking about the mental trouble either, they could very well give you a disease from which you may never recover!
Another thing to look out for is self-destructive habits. If you notice the woman you're with is a heavy drug user or alcoholic... RUN. Do not get seriously involved with women who drink too much, do too many drugs, or both. These are women who will care more about the substances they abuse than YOU. And they are also women who care nothing about themselves, and getting emotionally attached to someone who cares nothing for their well-being is a painful endeavor.
Some people criticize me for saying this, but I do believe it... BEWARE SINGLE MOTHERS! If you're getting involved with a woman who already has a kid, you're opening yourself up for a great deal of trouble down the line.
Why?
Because if she got pregnant once by some other guy, chances are she'll get pregnant by YOU! Even if you use birth control! And if she DOES get pregnant, chances are she'll go ahead and have the baby. This means that whether you break up with her or not, you'll be stuck paying child support for the next 18 years! Now, if the idea of shelling out your hard-earned cash for a kid you never wanted to a woman you don't like for the next 18 years of your life doesn't appeal to you — STAY AWAY FROM SINGLE MOMS!
In addition to that warning above, single moms will always choose their kids over you, which means you will always get the short end of the stick when it comes to her time and attention. So if you want lots of sex and adventures in your relationship, you can throw that away when dealing with a single mom! And not only that, but depending on what state you live in, if her kid gets attached to you, you might be legally liable for child support EVEN IF IT ISN'T YOUR KID! Check your local laws to be certain.
Watch out for women who are too clingy and get jealous easily! These are women who are incredibly insecure, and most likely they will cheat on you! In fact, the more jealous they are, the more likely it is they are sleeping around. This is because people tend to project their own behaviors on others, and if they think you're cheating on them, chances are it's because they, themselves, are cheating (or thinking about it!).
Watch how the woman treats her own family. Typically, women who have good relationships with their mother AND father are well balanced women who will treat you well. If they hate EITHER of their parents, chances are they're going to end up treating you the same way.
As a side note to this, loot at how her parents treat each other if you get the chance. If their relationship is a good one, chances are the relationship you have with her will be good too! The same is true if the parents have a BAD relationship.
Also, look to see if the woman you like also likes children. It doesn't matter if you want to have kids or not. If a woman does not like kids, that's a statement about her own capacity to love and nurture! If she hates kids, then it's a very good possibility she is incapable of deep commitment and personal connection, and will end up using and abusing the man she is with!
And finally, if you find out that you're with an EVIL woman, do not hesitate to DUMP her immediately!
And when I say dump, I mean DUMP. Delete her number from your phone, do not see her or talk to her again. Cut her out of your life completely! And if she comes crawling back to you promising to change, DO NOT TAKE HER BACK. She won't change, and she'll make your life even WORSE than it was when you were with her before. Be strong and leave her behind completely, and work towards finding a good, positive woman to have in your life.
You can't protect yourself 100% from EVIL women, but if you follow the guidelines I've given you above, then you have an extremely good chance of filtering them all out.
So how do you find yourself a good woman?
Well, odd enough as it sounds, the quality of the woman you can get directly depends on how high you value yourself!
This means building a strong self-image that you can present to the world.
In my book, The Art of Approaching, I go into great detail on how to do this. Everything from building extreme confidence with women, to how to get them to go out with you is in there! If you haven't checked out my book yet, you can do so by clicking on the link below:
The Art of Approaching
Learn everything I have to teach, and you will be able to find a GOOD woman you'll want to be with for a long, long time.
Wishing you success,
Joseph Matthews
Read more!
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Your Mind Is More Important Than Your Mouth
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by Craig Reeves
Now let's say that you finally get up the nerve to approach this woman. The first question that comes to your mind, usually, is "What do I say?"
For some reason, we tend to focus a lot of attention on what it is we SAY, instead of HOW we say it. Think about it....what's really the most important aspect?
Remember back when you were young, and you might have done something wrong to your parents? If you were a good kid, you would say something like, "I'm sorry, mom" or something along those lines. If, however, you said that exact same sentence in a tone that showed a little too much attitude, they'd say something like "Watch your tone, boy!" or something like that. Do you get what I'm saying?
It doesn't matter what you say nearly as much as HOW you say it. If you walk up to a woman and you say, "Hey, what's up?" with 3 different attitudes, you are going to get 3 different responses. Just like when you were young, and you said "I'm sorry mom." in 3 different ways, you would have gotten 3 different responses.
So now you ask - "Well what tone should I use with a woman that I'm first approaching, and how do I pull this off if I'm so nervous?"
That's a very good question. We all know that confidence is very important when approaching a female. If you are not confident, the woman will notice it, and will naturally be turned off by it.
I mentioned earlier that WHAT you say isn't nearly as important as HOW you say it. If you walk up to an attractive woman and said, "Hey there, how's it going?" in a manner that displayed a LACK of confidence, this alone would turn her off. Scary, huh? So what can you do if you really ARE nervous and unsure of yourself?
The answer to this goes deeper than what you say or do... it's how you look at the situation. It's your mindset. It's your belief. The only surefire way that you are going to be able to correctly approach a woman is if you adopt the correct mindset and attitude of doing it.
The trick is to adopt the mindset and belief that not only are YOU interested HER, but SHE's interested in YOU, as well. Most guys treat the woman as if HE's the only one with the interest, and is trying to win HERS. If, however, you start believing that the interest is ALREADY THERE, you will not fall into a trap of needlessly trying to win her approval/interest.
What YOU need to do is to speak and act toward her as if SHE's interested in YOU as well. Now when I say this, I'm not talking at ALL about what you say, I'm only talking about HOW you say it. In fact, you could have the exact same conversation as you normally would with her, but your results will STILL vary greatly on your attitude, mindset, and belief.
So how do you adopt this mindset and belief? The answer is to practice.
The next time you see a woman that you'd like to approach, mentally tell yourself over and over again that she'd probably love to get to know you just as much as you would like to get to know HER. It is proven that the mind can truly only focus on one thing at a time... so if your mind is focusing on the fact that she's just as interested in you as you are her, then you will not be focusing on yourself and whether she would approve of you or not.
If you walked up to a woman and you said, "Hey there, how are you?", with the mindset and belief that SHE's interested in YOU, you're going to come off a LOT differently than if you were to say those same exact words with the mindset and belief that YOU'RE trying to win HER approval, yet SHE isn't trying to win YOURS.
Your comfort level when talking to a woman will increase greatly if you start thinking this way, because you will no longer feel as if all of the pressure is on you, nor will you be trying to fight so hard for something (her interest) that you already have.
Read more!
Now let's say that you finally get up the nerve to approach this woman. The first question that comes to your mind, usually, is "What do I say?"
For some reason, we tend to focus a lot of attention on what it is we SAY, instead of HOW we say it. Think about it....what's really the most important aspect?
Remember back when you were young, and you might have done something wrong to your parents? If you were a good kid, you would say something like, "I'm sorry, mom" or something along those lines. If, however, you said that exact same sentence in a tone that showed a little too much attitude, they'd say something like "Watch your tone, boy!" or something like that. Do you get what I'm saying?
It doesn't matter what you say nearly as much as HOW you say it. If you walk up to a woman and you say, "Hey, what's up?" with 3 different attitudes, you are going to get 3 different responses. Just like when you were young, and you said "I'm sorry mom." in 3 different ways, you would have gotten 3 different responses.
So now you ask - "Well what tone should I use with a woman that I'm first approaching, and how do I pull this off if I'm so nervous?"
That's a very good question. We all know that confidence is very important when approaching a female. If you are not confident, the woman will notice it, and will naturally be turned off by it.
I mentioned earlier that WHAT you say isn't nearly as important as HOW you say it. If you walk up to an attractive woman and said, "Hey there, how's it going?" in a manner that displayed a LACK of confidence, this alone would turn her off. Scary, huh? So what can you do if you really ARE nervous and unsure of yourself?
The answer to this goes deeper than what you say or do... it's how you look at the situation. It's your mindset. It's your belief. The only surefire way that you are going to be able to correctly approach a woman is if you adopt the correct mindset and attitude of doing it.
The trick is to adopt the mindset and belief that not only are YOU interested HER, but SHE's interested in YOU, as well. Most guys treat the woman as if HE's the only one with the interest, and is trying to win HERS. If, however, you start believing that the interest is ALREADY THERE, you will not fall into a trap of needlessly trying to win her approval/interest.
What YOU need to do is to speak and act toward her as if SHE's interested in YOU as well. Now when I say this, I'm not talking at ALL about what you say, I'm only talking about HOW you say it. In fact, you could have the exact same conversation as you normally would with her, but your results will STILL vary greatly on your attitude, mindset, and belief.
So how do you adopt this mindset and belief? The answer is to practice.
The next time you see a woman that you'd like to approach, mentally tell yourself over and over again that she'd probably love to get to know you just as much as you would like to get to know HER. It is proven that the mind can truly only focus on one thing at a time... so if your mind is focusing on the fact that she's just as interested in you as you are her, then you will not be focusing on yourself and whether she would approve of you or not.
If you walked up to a woman and you said, "Hey there, how are you?", with the mindset and belief that SHE's interested in YOU, you're going to come off a LOT differently than if you were to say those same exact words with the mindset and belief that YOU'RE trying to win HER approval, yet SHE isn't trying to win YOURS.
Your comfort level when talking to a woman will increase greatly if you start thinking this way, because you will no longer feel as if all of the pressure is on you, nor will you be trying to fight so hard for something (her interest) that you already have.
Read more!
The Difference Between Feeling an Attraction and Feeling a Commitment
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by David DeAngelo
If you've been reading my articles, and you've read my book Double Your Dating, then there's a good chance that somewhere along the way you've said to yourself "Does this guy think that long-term relationships are healthy?"
To set the record books straight, I want to say "Yes, I think that long-term relationships are wonderful, healthy, and can be a great source of joy and happiness, Amen." I've had many of them myself, and have enjoyed some great times as a result.
But here's the distinction: If you don't learn how to make a woman feel ATTRACTED to you at the VERY BEGINNING, then you are taking a HUGE risk. Namely, that you're going to invest all of your time, effort, energy, emotions, gifts, money, and life pursuing someone who may or may not ever feel the same way about you.
If, on the other hand, you master the art of making women feel that GUT LEVEL ATTRACTION using only your personality, then you won't be GAMBLING as much when it comes to women and relationships.
NOTE: My experience is that many of the things that us guys do to try to attract a woman, i.e. buying gifts, doing favors, etc. actually lead to the woman finding us UN-attractive, because she sees these as needy behaviors performed by a weak man that hide ulterior motives.
I think that long-term relationships are great. I just don't like the idea of investing a lot of time, energy, and money if I have no idea whether a girl even likes me! No thanks.
How much better it is to know how to make a woman feel that excitement, tension, and attraction at the VERY BEGINNING. This way you're not out-of-control, wondering where you stand. Then, if you decide that this is someone that you'd like to spend more time with in the future, you can start doing more traditional "relationship" things (if YOU choose).
A relationship based on two people enjoying each other's company and personalities is FAR stronger, in my opinion, than one based on gifts, money and favors.
Take a moment right now, and think about the difference between ATTRACTION and COMMITMENT. Think about the things that make you feel ATTRACTED to a woman, and then think about the things that make you feel COMMITTED to a woman.
Big difference, isn't it?
Here's one for you. Do nice women stay with jerks because they feel committed to them? In most cases I'd doubt it. It's because the jerk is ATTRACTIVE in one way or another.
What I've done is take the parts of the 'jerk' personality... the parts that are ATTRACTIVE to women, and use just those without the ABUSIVE components.
Teasing, busting her balls, creating tension, playing hard to get, not giving her what she wants, being unpredictable, being cocky and funny are all ways to push the "attraction buttons" without being abusive or mean.
Then, it's up to YOU whether you'd like to buy gifts, pay for dinners, and do favors. When gifts and favors are presented in the context of being an already attractive, cocky and funny man, then they take on a whole new meaning. They lead to a stronger feeling of devotion and commitment...
WARNING: Don't turn into a wuss just because you decide that you really like a girl. Don't start calling her 47 times a day and saying "Ohh, baby I really miss you." Use gifts, favors, and romance like a spice... not the main dish.
OK, here's the plug: If you haven't downloaded your copy of my book "Double Your Dating", then get to it! Go to:
Start Reading Double Your Dating
right now and get it. I promise that EVERYTHING in these articles will make more sense to you after you've read it. You'll learn all about how to make women feel that illogical, mystical, GUT LEVEL ATTRACTION with your communication and personality.
I'll talk to you again soon.
Your Friend,
David DeAngelo
Read more!
If you've been reading my articles, and you've read my book Double Your Dating, then there's a good chance that somewhere along the way you've said to yourself "Does this guy think that long-term relationships are healthy?"
To set the record books straight, I want to say "Yes, I think that long-term relationships are wonderful, healthy, and can be a great source of joy and happiness, Amen." I've had many of them myself, and have enjoyed some great times as a result.
But here's the distinction: If you don't learn how to make a woman feel ATTRACTED to you at the VERY BEGINNING, then you are taking a HUGE risk. Namely, that you're going to invest all of your time, effort, energy, emotions, gifts, money, and life pursuing someone who may or may not ever feel the same way about you.
If, on the other hand, you master the art of making women feel that GUT LEVEL ATTRACTION using only your personality, then you won't be GAMBLING as much when it comes to women and relationships.
NOTE: My experience is that many of the things that us guys do to try to attract a woman, i.e. buying gifts, doing favors, etc. actually lead to the woman finding us UN-attractive, because she sees these as needy behaviors performed by a weak man that hide ulterior motives.
I think that long-term relationships are great. I just don't like the idea of investing a lot of time, energy, and money if I have no idea whether a girl even likes me! No thanks.
How much better it is to know how to make a woman feel that excitement, tension, and attraction at the VERY BEGINNING. This way you're not out-of-control, wondering where you stand. Then, if you decide that this is someone that you'd like to spend more time with in the future, you can start doing more traditional "relationship" things (if YOU choose).
A relationship based on two people enjoying each other's company and personalities is FAR stronger, in my opinion, than one based on gifts, money and favors.
Take a moment right now, and think about the difference between ATTRACTION and COMMITMENT. Think about the things that make you feel ATTRACTED to a woman, and then think about the things that make you feel COMMITTED to a woman.
Big difference, isn't it?
Here's one for you. Do nice women stay with jerks because they feel committed to them? In most cases I'd doubt it. It's because the jerk is ATTRACTIVE in one way or another.
What I've done is take the parts of the 'jerk' personality... the parts that are ATTRACTIVE to women, and use just those without the ABUSIVE components.
Teasing, busting her balls, creating tension, playing hard to get, not giving her what she wants, being unpredictable, being cocky and funny are all ways to push the "attraction buttons" without being abusive or mean.
Then, it's up to YOU whether you'd like to buy gifts, pay for dinners, and do favors. When gifts and favors are presented in the context of being an already attractive, cocky and funny man, then they take on a whole new meaning. They lead to a stronger feeling of devotion and commitment...
WARNING: Don't turn into a wuss just because you decide that you really like a girl. Don't start calling her 47 times a day and saying "Ohh, baby I really miss you." Use gifts, favors, and romance like a spice... not the main dish.
OK, here's the plug: If you haven't downloaded your copy of my book "Double Your Dating", then get to it! Go to:
Start Reading Double Your Dating
right now and get it. I promise that EVERYTHING in these articles will make more sense to you after you've read it. You'll learn all about how to make women feel that illogical, mystical, GUT LEVEL ATTRACTION with your communication and personality.
I'll talk to you again soon.
Your Friend,
David DeAngelo
Read more!
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
17 of the World's Best Dates
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by Don Diebel
This week I want to pass along to you some unique dating ideas to make a great impression on women:
1. AMUSEMENT PARKS - This really makes for a fun date, especially if you both enjoy thrill-seeking rides such as roller coasters, etc. Also, don't forget to try and win her a teddy bear or other keepsake.
2. BALLOON RIDES - I am referring to hot-air balloon rides. This is a breath-taking experience you both will never forget. It's very romantic and some rides even come with champagne.
3. BOAT RENTAL - This makes for a unique experience and it's so relaxing and enjoyable. You can charter a boat with captain and crew or rent a powerboat for skiing, fishing, or just for cruising.
4. CAMPING - What a great way to enjoy the great outdoors! Things really get cozy and romantic sitting in front of an open fire! This is sure to melt her heart and make her want to share your sleeping bar.
5. CARRIAGE RIDES - This is one of the ultimate romantic experiences. Just you and your lover or date in a horse-drawn carriage enjoying the scenery.
6. DINNER AT YOUR PLACE - One of my favorite things to do is to invite a lady over for a candlelight steak dinner and champagne. I do all the cooking and wait on my date hand and foot. I really make my date feel special. So, if you really want to make someone feel special and have a romantic evening, do this for a very special date.
7. DINNER THEATRE - There's nothing like good entertainment while you're eating. Your date will really be impressed and this is one of my top choices to take a date to.
8. GO-CARTS - These are a lot of fun for adults too. Why not challenge your date to a race around the track.
9. HAY RIDES - Have you ever been on a hayride? It's a lot of fun and something very different to do.
10. HELICOPTER RIDES - This was one of the most exciting dates I ever went on. My date and I took a helicopter tour of downtown San Diego and the Shoreline. I was especially fascinated flying over the skyscrapers and looking down on them. This will be an expensive date, because to charter a helicopter can cost you up to $500 an hour. If you can afford it, it's worth the money just for the experience.
11. HORSE RACES OR DOG RACES - Here's another fun activity you can both share and make some money too, if you are lucky.
12. ICE SKATING - Don't know how to skate? No problem, It's a lot of fun just learning. Sure, you're going to take a few spills on the ice. It's all part of the fun! This is great place to go on a date even if you don't know how to ice skate. You can always take lessons, too.
13. JET SKIS - This is like riding a motorcycle on the water and your date can ride on the back. Take my word for it, this is the ultimate joy ride while having some great fun on the water. You can rent them for about $20 for a half-hour.
14. KITE FLYING - Stop by any toy store and pick up a kite and go on a kite date. Head for your local park, beach, or any wide-open space. Kites are not just for kids. It's a fun experience for all ages and it's kind of romantic. So, get your date and go fly a kite.
15. LIMOUSINE DATE - When you want to tell someone they're special, what better way to do it than with the unexpected. Sending flowers is nice, but sending flowers with a limousine is unforgettable. This is a great way to let dancers know they are real special to you.
16. LIVE MUSIC - This will put you and your date in a good mood, especially if the band is good. Check out your area for places that offer live music. Take her to Rock Concerts too.
17. MOONLIGHT STROLLS - When there's a full moon and clear skies, head for any lake or seashore. It's so romantic to take your shoes off and wade along the shore with the full moon gleaming on the water.
If you would like more dating tips on how to meet, date, attract, and seduce women please visit: http://www.getgirls.com
Read more!
This week I want to pass along to you some unique dating ideas to make a great impression on women:
1. AMUSEMENT PARKS - This really makes for a fun date, especially if you both enjoy thrill-seeking rides such as roller coasters, etc. Also, don't forget to try and win her a teddy bear or other keepsake.
2. BALLOON RIDES - I am referring to hot-air balloon rides. This is a breath-taking experience you both will never forget. It's very romantic and some rides even come with champagne.
3. BOAT RENTAL - This makes for a unique experience and it's so relaxing and enjoyable. You can charter a boat with captain and crew or rent a powerboat for skiing, fishing, or just for cruising.
4. CAMPING - What a great way to enjoy the great outdoors! Things really get cozy and romantic sitting in front of an open fire! This is sure to melt her heart and make her want to share your sleeping bar.
5. CARRIAGE RIDES - This is one of the ultimate romantic experiences. Just you and your lover or date in a horse-drawn carriage enjoying the scenery.
6. DINNER AT YOUR PLACE - One of my favorite things to do is to invite a lady over for a candlelight steak dinner and champagne. I do all the cooking and wait on my date hand and foot. I really make my date feel special. So, if you really want to make someone feel special and have a romantic evening, do this for a very special date.
7. DINNER THEATRE - There's nothing like good entertainment while you're eating. Your date will really be impressed and this is one of my top choices to take a date to.
8. GO-CARTS - These are a lot of fun for adults too. Why not challenge your date to a race around the track.
9. HAY RIDES - Have you ever been on a hayride? It's a lot of fun and something very different to do.
10. HELICOPTER RIDES - This was one of the most exciting dates I ever went on. My date and I took a helicopter tour of downtown San Diego and the Shoreline. I was especially fascinated flying over the skyscrapers and looking down on them. This will be an expensive date, because to charter a helicopter can cost you up to $500 an hour. If you can afford it, it's worth the money just for the experience.
11. HORSE RACES OR DOG RACES - Here's another fun activity you can both share and make some money too, if you are lucky.
12. ICE SKATING - Don't know how to skate? No problem, It's a lot of fun just learning. Sure, you're going to take a few spills on the ice. It's all part of the fun! This is great place to go on a date even if you don't know how to ice skate. You can always take lessons, too.
13. JET SKIS - This is like riding a motorcycle on the water and your date can ride on the back. Take my word for it, this is the ultimate joy ride while having some great fun on the water. You can rent them for about $20 for a half-hour.
14. KITE FLYING - Stop by any toy store and pick up a kite and go on a kite date. Head for your local park, beach, or any wide-open space. Kites are not just for kids. It's a fun experience for all ages and it's kind of romantic. So, get your date and go fly a kite.
15. LIMOUSINE DATE - When you want to tell someone they're special, what better way to do it than with the unexpected. Sending flowers is nice, but sending flowers with a limousine is unforgettable. This is a great way to let dancers know they are real special to you.
16. LIVE MUSIC - This will put you and your date in a good mood, especially if the band is good. Check out your area for places that offer live music. Take her to Rock Concerts too.
17. MOONLIGHT STROLLS - When there's a full moon and clear skies, head for any lake or seashore. It's so romantic to take your shoes off and wade along the shore with the full moon gleaming on the water.
If you would like more dating tips on how to meet, date, attract, and seduce women please visit: http://www.getgirls.com
Read more!
Do You Make These 7 Mistakes with Women?
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by Jason King
You see, there are 7 big mistakes that most guys make when they just start out going out with someone new. Look this list over, and then ask yourself if you've ever been guilty of any of these.
The good news is that just by knowing these 7 items, you're protecting yourself from making these mistakes again. Here we go.
1. Volunteering negative information about yourself.
Why is it that we sometimes think that by listing out all our flaws, mistakes, faults and bad habits that women will suddenly drop to her knees and thank God that she met us?
Seriously... keep a lid on the negative stuff about yourself. You don't need to "make sure" that she can live with your faults.
Put your best foot forward... always.
2. Being too concerned with what she thinks of you.
Okay, we all want to be liked, but obsessing about whether or not she likes you is the wrong way to go about it. Try this instead, and you'll find that you'll get much better results with women.
ASSUME that she likes you a LOT. Yep, that's right... just assume it. You've got to really know that you're a good catch, and you've got something to offer.
3. Being too "nice".
Okay, where the heck did all us guys get the idea that we have to be super polite in order for her to like us? I've found that quite the opposite is true.
That doesn't mean that you should be a jerk, but look... every other guy is falling over themselves to kiss her butt. You've got to be different in order to get her to pay attention to you.
Instead of being a jerk, be willing to bust her chops and make jokes with her. Try it, and you'll see. I landed my last girlfriend with this very technique.
4. Needing her to like you or approve of you.
Look, she's not going to agree with everything you say, and if she has a mind of her own... she probably won't like everything you do. So what.
Be willing to be yourself and STICK to that, even if she challenges you. No... ESPECIALLY if she challenges you.
5. Talking too much about yourself.
Have you ever been on a date, and felt like you HAD to keep the conversation going with her, or else she'd get bored and lose interest? I think we all have... me included!
Believe it or not, silence is okay. In fact, it's a good thing to shut up once in a while... and just BE there with her.
Be a listener, not a talker. There's a reason that God gave you 2 ears and only 1 mouth. Remember this mantra: Listening gets me laid... listening gets me laid... listening gets..... okay I'm being silly. Try it.
6. Not being truthful about your desires.
Look, there are PLENTY of women who are more than happy to just have a casual sex relationship with you. But don't bullshit women by telling them that you're really interested in settling down into a long term relationship if you're really not.
Really... it's bad news, and will not help you get laid at ALL. Be honest about what you're after, but learn how to communicate it in a way that is attractive to her.
7. Being too agreeable.
Nobody wants to date someone who's JUST like them. If you ARE dating someone who's just like you, then one of you is not necessary in the relationship. :)
Be willing to disagree with her, and even make fun of her for thinking the way she does (but in a playful way). Celebrate your differences, don't hide them.
Be willing to challenge her, also to let her challenge you. We grow by relating to people who are different than us, and trying on their thoughts and ideas to see if it works better than your current one.
Don't be a "YES man". Hold true to what you think, and you'll be a lot closer to getting her naked than you'll be if you agree with everything she says.
How do I learn more?
Now that you know what NOT to do, it's time to learn the best ways to attract and date smart, beautiful, high quality women... and I've got just the thing for you.
If you haven't already, go check out my new report called "Makeout Mastery". In it, you'll learn all my best secrets for getting physical with any woman. You'll also learn what to DO on a date that will turn her on, and make her want to see you more and more.
Go ahead and check out this special web page, while it's still fresh in your mind.
Makeout Mastery
Warmly,
Jason King
P.S. - I also added a Bonus Report that details my step by step method for getting ANY woman naked on the first date. I used this technique every single time I wanted to get a woman's clothes off, and usually her clothes came FLYING off! Click that link and see for yourself what all the fuss is about.
Read more!
You see, there are 7 big mistakes that most guys make when they just start out going out with someone new. Look this list over, and then ask yourself if you've ever been guilty of any of these.
The good news is that just by knowing these 7 items, you're protecting yourself from making these mistakes again. Here we go.
1. Volunteering negative information about yourself.
Why is it that we sometimes think that by listing out all our flaws, mistakes, faults and bad habits that women will suddenly drop to her knees and thank God that she met us?
Seriously... keep a lid on the negative stuff about yourself. You don't need to "make sure" that she can live with your faults.
Put your best foot forward... always.
2. Being too concerned with what she thinks of you.
Okay, we all want to be liked, but obsessing about whether or not she likes you is the wrong way to go about it. Try this instead, and you'll find that you'll get much better results with women.
ASSUME that she likes you a LOT. Yep, that's right... just assume it. You've got to really know that you're a good catch, and you've got something to offer.
3. Being too "nice".
Okay, where the heck did all us guys get the idea that we have to be super polite in order for her to like us? I've found that quite the opposite is true.
That doesn't mean that you should be a jerk, but look... every other guy is falling over themselves to kiss her butt. You've got to be different in order to get her to pay attention to you.
Instead of being a jerk, be willing to bust her chops and make jokes with her. Try it, and you'll see. I landed my last girlfriend with this very technique.
4. Needing her to like you or approve of you.
Look, she's not going to agree with everything you say, and if she has a mind of her own... she probably won't like everything you do. So what.
Be willing to be yourself and STICK to that, even if she challenges you. No... ESPECIALLY if she challenges you.
5. Talking too much about yourself.
Have you ever been on a date, and felt like you HAD to keep the conversation going with her, or else she'd get bored and lose interest? I think we all have... me included!
Believe it or not, silence is okay. In fact, it's a good thing to shut up once in a while... and just BE there with her.
Be a listener, not a talker. There's a reason that God gave you 2 ears and only 1 mouth. Remember this mantra: Listening gets me laid... listening gets me laid... listening gets..... okay I'm being silly. Try it.
6. Not being truthful about your desires.
Look, there are PLENTY of women who are more than happy to just have a casual sex relationship with you. But don't bullshit women by telling them that you're really interested in settling down into a long term relationship if you're really not.
Really... it's bad news, and will not help you get laid at ALL. Be honest about what you're after, but learn how to communicate it in a way that is attractive to her.
7. Being too agreeable.
Nobody wants to date someone who's JUST like them. If you ARE dating someone who's just like you, then one of you is not necessary in the relationship. :)
Be willing to disagree with her, and even make fun of her for thinking the way she does (but in a playful way). Celebrate your differences, don't hide them.
Be willing to challenge her, also to let her challenge you. We grow by relating to people who are different than us, and trying on their thoughts and ideas to see if it works better than your current one.
Don't be a "YES man". Hold true to what you think, and you'll be a lot closer to getting her naked than you'll be if you agree with everything she says.
How do I learn more?
Now that you know what NOT to do, it's time to learn the best ways to attract and date smart, beautiful, high quality women... and I've got just the thing for you.
If you haven't already, go check out my new report called "Makeout Mastery". In it, you'll learn all my best secrets for getting physical with any woman. You'll also learn what to DO on a date that will turn her on, and make her want to see you more and more.
Go ahead and check out this special web page, while it's still fresh in your mind.
Makeout Mastery
Warmly,
Jason King
P.S. - I also added a Bonus Report that details my step by step method for getting ANY woman naked on the first date. I used this technique every single time I wanted to get a woman's clothes off, and usually her clothes came FLYING off! Click that link and see for yourself what all the fuss is about.
Read more!
Monday, April 20, 2009
How to Avoid Getting Painfully Rejected by Women
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by Joseph Matthews
Today, I want to talk about something that really seems to be an important topic to a lot of guys.
My book, The Art Of Approaching, is about how to meet women. In it, I do my best to unveil every little tip and trick I can teach you about how to avoid the painful, dreaded sting of fear that can build up inside you when you want to meet a beautiful woman.
The funny thing is, I get emails all the time from guys who say something like...
"I can't do it, I'm too afraid of rejection."
"Every woman rejects me and laughs at me."
"There's only so much rejection I can take."
A lot of dating sites and products will give you a lot of different advice on how to deal with rejection. They'll say stuff like "you gotta force your way through it" and "ignore it, shrug it off."
But none of them really tell you HOW to do that.
They expect you to be some type of "emotional superman" and just act like you don't care about what anyone thinks of you.
Though I do believe it's good advice not to place too much importance on how others view you, for some guys this can just be too daunting a prospect to handle. Their heads just aren't in the right place to act like that.
Let's face it, if you see a girl you think is hot and you want to get to know her better, how can you NOT care about what she thinks of you?
And should she reject you, that can still HURT.
When this happens, guys tend to retreat into "self-loathing." They give into that pain and dwell on all the shortcomings and things that made that girl reject him. They wallow in the self pity and guilt, and despair about how "no girls like him."
Well, I want to tell you that this is not just self-destructive and unproductive behavior, it's simply not true.
There are girls out there who will like you, you just need to FIND them!
Ever hear that old saying: "There's plenty of fish in the sea?"
It's true. Meeting women is about NUMBERS.
Too many guys want to sit up in a tree with their sniper rifles and try to hone in on just one target. If you do that, your chances of missing are much greater than if you were running around with a shotgun.
So your goal in meeting a woman who likes you is to meet as many women as possible!
Duh.
But here's the trick to ELIMINATING that painful sting of rejection that comes with that...
Ready for it?
Here it is...
Of all the women you meet, only go after the women who like what you have to offer!
There is something to be said about going up to every woman and trying to get them into you. In fact, there are very effective methods of creating attraction in women you meet, despite what your own personal shortcomings are.
But this can be a painful method for most men, because you can't win them all! Therefore, you're going to feel the sting of rejection if you do that.
For those of you who can't handle doing that just yet, and need to build your confidence, here's what I want you to do.
Go out and meet AS MANY WOMEN AS POSSIBLE.
(if you don't know how to do this, my book The Art Of Approaching can teach you how)
Now, don't try and pick-up all these women, even if you'd want to. Just meet them, and observe how they react to you when you're interacting with them.
The women will tell you if they're into you if you PAY ATTENTION TO THEM.
Some guys call this "vibing" or "feeling a vibe." But if what you're doing is working, you'll notice that the girl will smile at you a lot, touch you, and various other things.
When you notice these little flickers of interest, start flirting with her! Show her you also like what SHE has to offer (even if you don't, this is practice, remember?). Then see how she reacts to THAT.
If she plays along and flirts back, she's interested!
If she doesn't, she may like you, but not be interested in you romantically.
If that's the case, don't get down, you weren't rejected. You found out that there isn't an opportunity there for you just yet. But if she responds, that's a "GO" signal that will tell you the chance of getting rejected is shrinking, and you should proceed.
In my book, The Art Of Approaching, there's a LOT of information in it that will teach you how to recognize the signs a woman gives off that she's attracted to you. Little effective tricks on how to read a woman's body language, see the common signs of interest, and how to effectively flirt with a woman.
If you want to learn these special skills and start getting rid of rejection from women all together, check out my ebook here:
Download The Art of Approaching
Click Here!
And for those of you who want a little extra help in not only eliminating rejection, but also learning a great deal about how to improve your own personal self confidence and meet women confidently while generating powerful attraction, check out my new Deluxe Meet Women Package. It's The Art Of Approaching along with six brand new in-depth ebooks designed to really supercharge your success with women!
The time to stop living in pain and fear is now. Do yourself a favor and download one of these helpful products today.
Wishing you success,
Joseph Matthews
Read more!
Today, I want to talk about something that really seems to be an important topic to a lot of guys.
My book, The Art Of Approaching, is about how to meet women. In it, I do my best to unveil every little tip and trick I can teach you about how to avoid the painful, dreaded sting of fear that can build up inside you when you want to meet a beautiful woman.
The funny thing is, I get emails all the time from guys who say something like...
"I can't do it, I'm too afraid of rejection."
"Every woman rejects me and laughs at me."
"There's only so much rejection I can take."
A lot of dating sites and products will give you a lot of different advice on how to deal with rejection. They'll say stuff like "you gotta force your way through it" and "ignore it, shrug it off."
But none of them really tell you HOW to do that.
They expect you to be some type of "emotional superman" and just act like you don't care about what anyone thinks of you.
Though I do believe it's good advice not to place too much importance on how others view you, for some guys this can just be too daunting a prospect to handle. Their heads just aren't in the right place to act like that.
Let's face it, if you see a girl you think is hot and you want to get to know her better, how can you NOT care about what she thinks of you?
And should she reject you, that can still HURT.
When this happens, guys tend to retreat into "self-loathing." They give into that pain and dwell on all the shortcomings and things that made that girl reject him. They wallow in the self pity and guilt, and despair about how "no girls like him."
Well, I want to tell you that this is not just self-destructive and unproductive behavior, it's simply not true.
There are girls out there who will like you, you just need to FIND them!
Ever hear that old saying: "There's plenty of fish in the sea?"
It's true. Meeting women is about NUMBERS.
Too many guys want to sit up in a tree with their sniper rifles and try to hone in on just one target. If you do that, your chances of missing are much greater than if you were running around with a shotgun.
So your goal in meeting a woman who likes you is to meet as many women as possible!
Duh.
But here's the trick to ELIMINATING that painful sting of rejection that comes with that...
Ready for it?
Here it is...
Of all the women you meet, only go after the women who like what you have to offer!
There is something to be said about going up to every woman and trying to get them into you. In fact, there are very effective methods of creating attraction in women you meet, despite what your own personal shortcomings are.
But this can be a painful method for most men, because you can't win them all! Therefore, you're going to feel the sting of rejection if you do that.
For those of you who can't handle doing that just yet, and need to build your confidence, here's what I want you to do.
Go out and meet AS MANY WOMEN AS POSSIBLE.
(if you don't know how to do this, my book The Art Of Approaching can teach you how)
Now, don't try and pick-up all these women, even if you'd want to. Just meet them, and observe how they react to you when you're interacting with them.
The women will tell you if they're into you if you PAY ATTENTION TO THEM.
Some guys call this "vibing" or "feeling a vibe." But if what you're doing is working, you'll notice that the girl will smile at you a lot, touch you, and various other things.
When you notice these little flickers of interest, start flirting with her! Show her you also like what SHE has to offer (even if you don't, this is practice, remember?). Then see how she reacts to THAT.
If she plays along and flirts back, she's interested!
If she doesn't, she may like you, but not be interested in you romantically.
If that's the case, don't get down, you weren't rejected. You found out that there isn't an opportunity there for you just yet. But if she responds, that's a "GO" signal that will tell you the chance of getting rejected is shrinking, and you should proceed.
In my book, The Art Of Approaching, there's a LOT of information in it that will teach you how to recognize the signs a woman gives off that she's attracted to you. Little effective tricks on how to read a woman's body language, see the common signs of interest, and how to effectively flirt with a woman.
If you want to learn these special skills and start getting rid of rejection from women all together, check out my ebook here:
Download The Art of Approaching
Click Here!
And for those of you who want a little extra help in not only eliminating rejection, but also learning a great deal about how to improve your own personal self confidence and meet women confidently while generating powerful attraction, check out my new Deluxe Meet Women Package. It's The Art Of Approaching along with six brand new in-depth ebooks designed to really supercharge your success with women!
The time to stop living in pain and fear is now. Do yourself a favor and download one of these helpful products today.
Wishing you success,
Joseph Matthews
Read more!
You Must Initiate Everything with a Woman
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by Ron Louis & David Copeland
Question...
I usually don't have a problem approaching women or talking to them, that's not the problem. I can usually get positive responses, but nothing ever capitalizes. I can carry on conversations, but then it ends there. What am I doing wrong?
Also, why don't women ever approach me, or most men for that matter? We always have to make the first move, what's up with that?
Answer...
Your questions — "Why don't my interactions with women lead to the next step?" and "Why do men have to make the first move?" are related.
Your conversations with women are not moving into the next level — priming dates, seduction dates, and so on — because you are failing to understand one of the harsh fundamentals of dating: You are responsible for making the first move, AND you are responsible for making EVERY SINGLE MOVE thereafter. She does nothing. She is along for the ride. YOU make every initiation.
Before we get into the specifics of what you need to be doing next, let's talk about this a little, because it is such a big deal for so many men. Dating is not fair. This is important for all the men reading this to remember, because we all slip into this "dating should be fair" idea from time to time, and become slackers around taking responsibility for our dating lives.
Look, there's good news and bad news about having to initiate everything with a woman. The bad news is, it's a lot of work. The good news is, YOU get to say when your interactions with women happen. YOU have power to make them happen or not. Another way to say this is to say that part of the harsh terrain of dating is that you have to initiate everything, most of the time. But if you are willing to live with that truth, you have a lot more power than you realize.
Actually, it's a lot like the rest of life.
You must initiate the first conversation. You must keep that conversation alive, about her and things she cares about. You must flirt with her and do the basic flirting moves.
You must arrange to see her, and flirt with her again, which you are probably not doing. You must arrange to be able to have flirting conversations with her as many times as it takes to establish to her the most fundamental formula in dating: she must believe that seeing you = pleasure for her.
Then you must ask her for either her email address, her phone number, or if she'd be willing to go out with you for a cup of coffee. We like to say something like, "Wow, you seem really cool. What would it be like if we went out for a cup of coffee sometime?" Then either get her number, email address, or set the date right then. Make it clear to her that it's just a coffee date, "for an hour or so."
Then you must initiate setting up the date, giving her the options and times of when and where to meet (do NOT leave this in her lap. Never say, "Oh, I don't know, when can you do it...?" Give her options.). Then you must handle the date, go for the first kiss, set up the seduction date, EVERYTHING.
Like the old saying goes, "Initiate or Masturbate."
Read more!
Question...
I usually don't have a problem approaching women or talking to them, that's not the problem. I can usually get positive responses, but nothing ever capitalizes. I can carry on conversations, but then it ends there. What am I doing wrong?
Also, why don't women ever approach me, or most men for that matter? We always have to make the first move, what's up with that?
Answer...
Your questions — "Why don't my interactions with women lead to the next step?" and "Why do men have to make the first move?" are related.
Your conversations with women are not moving into the next level — priming dates, seduction dates, and so on — because you are failing to understand one of the harsh fundamentals of dating: You are responsible for making the first move, AND you are responsible for making EVERY SINGLE MOVE thereafter. She does nothing. She is along for the ride. YOU make every initiation.
Before we get into the specifics of what you need to be doing next, let's talk about this a little, because it is such a big deal for so many men. Dating is not fair. This is important for all the men reading this to remember, because we all slip into this "dating should be fair" idea from time to time, and become slackers around taking responsibility for our dating lives.
Look, there's good news and bad news about having to initiate everything with a woman. The bad news is, it's a lot of work. The good news is, YOU get to say when your interactions with women happen. YOU have power to make them happen or not. Another way to say this is to say that part of the harsh terrain of dating is that you have to initiate everything, most of the time. But if you are willing to live with that truth, you have a lot more power than you realize.
Actually, it's a lot like the rest of life.
You must initiate the first conversation. You must keep that conversation alive, about her and things she cares about. You must flirt with her and do the basic flirting moves.
You must arrange to see her, and flirt with her again, which you are probably not doing. You must arrange to be able to have flirting conversations with her as many times as it takes to establish to her the most fundamental formula in dating: she must believe that seeing you = pleasure for her.
Then you must ask her for either her email address, her phone number, or if she'd be willing to go out with you for a cup of coffee. We like to say something like, "Wow, you seem really cool. What would it be like if we went out for a cup of coffee sometime?" Then either get her number, email address, or set the date right then. Make it clear to her that it's just a coffee date, "for an hour or so."
Then you must initiate setting up the date, giving her the options and times of when and where to meet (do NOT leave this in her lap. Never say, "Oh, I don't know, when can you do it...?" Give her options.). Then you must handle the date, go for the first kiss, set up the seduction date, EVERYTHING.
Like the old saying goes, "Initiate or Masturbate."
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How to Keep a Woman Interested in You
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If you want to keep your lady, and not be cast upon the broken-hearted heap of lovers she's left behind, you must get her invested in your relationship.
It doesn't matter how good-looking you are, how romantic you are, how funny you are... or anything else. If she doesn't have something invested in you and the relationship, preferably QUITE A LOT invested, she'll dump you, without even the slightest hesitation, as soon as someone a little more "interesting" comes along.
And I hate to break it to you, friend, but there's always someone a little more "interesting" just around the corner.
So what exactly do we mean by getting her to invest in your relationship?
Think about a Vegas slot machine...
Imagine your girl slowly approaching it, studying it for a moment, tentatively sitting down, then popping a coin in and pulling the handle. The odds being what they are, she doesn't win anything... this time anyhow. So she tries again... and again... and again. Pretty soon she's not only got a lot of money invested in this machine, but also a good deal of time, effort, and hope invested as well.
In fact, the more she "invests" in this machine, the harder it will be for her to get up and walk away. Because she's convinced that if she keeps at it, keeps pulling that handle, eventually she's going get what she wants. The very next pull might be the one that sets off the JACKPOT.
Now if her girlfriend came up to her after she'd put only a coin or two in the machine and said, "Let's go. Wayne Newton's coming on in half an hour." She'd probably pop right up and head on out to see the show - Wayne being a little more "interesting" than the slot machine she's sitting at.
On the other hand, if her girlfriend came up to her with the same offer after she'd been continuously popping coins in this #*%#@# machine for half an hour, it would be much harder for her to get up and leave, and give up her "investment" in this machine... even with the mighty Wayne beckoning to her from just across the street.
Well, in the Dating Casino of Life, you are the slot machine. And it's your job, as a successful and happy Don Juan, to keep your lady pumping those coins in - and upping her investment in you - so that as soon as Wayne Newton, or some other hairy-butted diversion comes along, she won't be tempted to take off and check out his show.
Okay, so now that you realize the power of investing, the question becomes: how do we up her investment in the relationship so she's not tempted to leave us as soon as something, or someone, a little more interesting comes along?
Let's focus on three critical areas.
The first and most important area you want to focus on is EFFORT. You must get her to invest effort into your relationship.
Basically let her, ask her, or prompt her if necessary, to do things for you — from time to time. Don't always be the one putting yourself out for her. Don't always be the one putting all the effort and work into the relationship. Let her, and expect her, to treat you as well as you treat her, and to improve the quality of your life.
Let her make you dinner occasionally. Ask her to pick you up, or to drive when the two of you go out. Tell her your shoulders are sore, and "a massage sure would feel good right now." Basically, let her do some of the things for you that you, being the really great guy that you are, often do for her.
And, I need to point this out, it should NOT be difficult to get her to do these things for you. You don't have to trick her or force her to do anything. In fact, if she really likes you, she will offer, and actually enjoy, doing things for you. And if she doesn't offer or enjoy doing things for you, then she's only in the relationship for what she can get out of it, and what she can get out of you. And that, needless to say, would not be a good deal for you.
You do deserve a little better than that, don't you?
Second, you can also up her investment in you by getting her to spend some of her OWN hard-earned MONEY during the course of your relationship.
Let her pay for dinner once in a while, or buy the movie tickets, or pick up the pizza on her way over (and you don't pay her back). You should not be paying for everything. She should be paying for quite a lot actually. And this has nothing to do with this being the 21st century, and women being equal to men, and making just as much money, and blah blah blah. This has to do with upping her investment in you and decreasing the probability that she will move onto someone else as soon as you do something just a little bit annoying.
You don't always insist on paying for dinner when you go out, or the concert tickets, or the drinks, or whatever. You let her pay if she offers, or you subtly prompt her to pay if she doesn't offer. When the subject of your birthday comes up, you don't say, "Oh, you don't have to get me anything. Being with you is present enough." You tell her what you want, or you hand her your list.
Money, money, money. What's the point of her having it if she can't spend it on you? :)
And third, you can also up her investment by getting her to invest TIME into your relationship. Time, in this instance, means that you and her frequently do things that YOU want to do.
You don't always do exactly what she wants. Once in a while, you insist on going to your favorite restaurant, or to the ballgame, or out with your idiotic, obnoxious friends. There's NO investment of time on her part if you're always doing things that she wants to do. Heck, if you weren't around, she'd probably be doing those same things with someone else. It's only an investment if it's something that she doesn't want to do or wouldn't normally do if you weren't around (which doesn't necessarily mean she won't enjoy it).
Let's say that you and her go to the auto show, which bores her. Then to your favorite restaurant, which never has anything she likes to eat. Then to the movies, where you watch the latest Schwarzenegger flick (she hates Schwarzenegger). Are you going to enjoy yourself? Yes! Is she going to enjoy herself? Probably not. Is she going to complain while you're out? Maybe. Is she going to call her girlfriend up the next day and rip you to shreds? You bet.
Is this evening, which on the surface looks like a very very bad idea, going to increase or decrease her attraction toward you?
Well, if it's the first or second date, you're history. Sayonara, Baby. Don't call her cause she won't be calling you.
But if it's the 5th date, or the 10th date, or the 30th date, it might actually work to your advantage. Why? Because you've gotten her to invest some of her precious time into your relationship. You weren't doing what she wanted to do... that night anyway. You essentially upped your VALUE in her eyes by showing her that, if she wants you, she has to occasionally do things that you like to do.
You are SOMETHING after all. You are NOT FREE. If she wants to hang with you, it's going to cost her something — time, effort, money.
But this attitude is completely contrary to that of most guys when entrenched within the thralls of a Goddess. The standard reply on date night is, "I don't care. Whatever you want to do is fine with me." The guy is crazy about the girl. He's happy just to be with her. He doesn't really care what they do as long as they do it together.
This is a mistake!
If you're always doing what she wants to do, if you're always paying for everything, if you're always putting out all the effort, she will still have, weeks or months down the road, nothing invested in you. And as soon as you get a little annoying, or as soon as someone else comes along a little less annoying, she'll be gone... and you'll be left sitting at home, wondering what you did wrong, and getting more and more bitter toward the opposite sex. After all, you treated her like gold, did everything for her, spent a fortune on her, and she threw you out like smelly garbage.
Happens all the time. The guys who treat their women like goddesses and put themselves out to try to keep her as happy as possible, without expecting anything in return, invariably GET BURNED. Let me repeat the key point in that sentence just so you don't miss it — without expecting anything in return. You must expect her to treat you as well as you treat her.
Now logically, one would think that women would love the "goddess" treatment. Always doing what she wants to do, you always paying for everything, her never really having to put out any effort. The novice Don Juan usually believes this is the way to win a woman's heart. (And there are numerous relationship books which will tell you the same thing.)
But as we're dealing with women, not Vulcans, our strategy must be a little different... taking into account the somewhat illogical workings of the human mind.
What happens, IN HER MIND, is that she comes to see you as WORTHLESS simply because she hasn't had to INVEST anything in you in order to get you or to keep you. You were an interesting diversion while she had nothing else to do. But now that someone a little more valuable has come along, someone who expects her to treat him very well, she'll have no problem at all "forgetting" you or demoting you to lowly "friendship" status.
On the other hand, what happens, in her mind, when you get her to invest effort, money, and time into your relationship?
Well, on a conscious level she may find herself somewhat annoyed once in a while — spending money, doing things she doesn't want to do, etc. But on a non-conscious level, she's looking at all the things she's doing for you, all the money she's spent on you, and all the times she's done things with you that she really didn't want to do, and she's thinking, "WOW! What a man! I must really like this guy. Look at how much I've put myself out for him. I didn't do anything like this for my last boyfriend." And it will be extremely difficult for her to just drop you and move on.
(This is also why it can be very difficult for you to drop the Goddess, who treats you like scum, and move on. You have a great deal invested in her. If you move on, like everyone advises you to, you lose all that you've invested in her.)
You see, as I've mentioned before, rather than thinking things through very clearly before we act, we often do things and then rationalize our behaviors afterward. You want her to look back weeks, months, or years down the road, and realize that she's really done a lot for you. That she's spent a lot of money during the course of your relationship. That she's got a lot of time and life invested in you.
And that she wouldn't have done any of that stuff if she didn't like you - A LOT!
Read more!
It doesn't matter how good-looking you are, how romantic you are, how funny you are... or anything else. If she doesn't have something invested in you and the relationship, preferably QUITE A LOT invested, she'll dump you, without even the slightest hesitation, as soon as someone a little more "interesting" comes along.
And I hate to break it to you, friend, but there's always someone a little more "interesting" just around the corner.
So what exactly do we mean by getting her to invest in your relationship?
Think about a Vegas slot machine...
Imagine your girl slowly approaching it, studying it for a moment, tentatively sitting down, then popping a coin in and pulling the handle. The odds being what they are, she doesn't win anything... this time anyhow. So she tries again... and again... and again. Pretty soon she's not only got a lot of money invested in this machine, but also a good deal of time, effort, and hope invested as well.
In fact, the more she "invests" in this machine, the harder it will be for her to get up and walk away. Because she's convinced that if she keeps at it, keeps pulling that handle, eventually she's going get what she wants. The very next pull might be the one that sets off the JACKPOT.
Now if her girlfriend came up to her after she'd put only a coin or two in the machine and said, "Let's go. Wayne Newton's coming on in half an hour." She'd probably pop right up and head on out to see the show - Wayne being a little more "interesting" than the slot machine she's sitting at.
On the other hand, if her girlfriend came up to her with the same offer after she'd been continuously popping coins in this #*%#@# machine for half an hour, it would be much harder for her to get up and leave, and give up her "investment" in this machine... even with the mighty Wayne beckoning to her from just across the street.
Well, in the Dating Casino of Life, you are the slot machine. And it's your job, as a successful and happy Don Juan, to keep your lady pumping those coins in - and upping her investment in you - so that as soon as Wayne Newton, or some other hairy-butted diversion comes along, she won't be tempted to take off and check out his show.
Okay, so now that you realize the power of investing, the question becomes: how do we up her investment in the relationship so she's not tempted to leave us as soon as something, or someone, a little more interesting comes along?
Let's focus on three critical areas.
The first and most important area you want to focus on is EFFORT. You must get her to invest effort into your relationship.
Basically let her, ask her, or prompt her if necessary, to do things for you — from time to time. Don't always be the one putting yourself out for her. Don't always be the one putting all the effort and work into the relationship. Let her, and expect her, to treat you as well as you treat her, and to improve the quality of your life.
Let her make you dinner occasionally. Ask her to pick you up, or to drive when the two of you go out. Tell her your shoulders are sore, and "a massage sure would feel good right now." Basically, let her do some of the things for you that you, being the really great guy that you are, often do for her.
And, I need to point this out, it should NOT be difficult to get her to do these things for you. You don't have to trick her or force her to do anything. In fact, if she really likes you, she will offer, and actually enjoy, doing things for you. And if she doesn't offer or enjoy doing things for you, then she's only in the relationship for what she can get out of it, and what she can get out of you. And that, needless to say, would not be a good deal for you.
You do deserve a little better than that, don't you?
Second, you can also up her investment in you by getting her to spend some of her OWN hard-earned MONEY during the course of your relationship.
Let her pay for dinner once in a while, or buy the movie tickets, or pick up the pizza on her way over (and you don't pay her back). You should not be paying for everything. She should be paying for quite a lot actually. And this has nothing to do with this being the 21st century, and women being equal to men, and making just as much money, and blah blah blah. This has to do with upping her investment in you and decreasing the probability that she will move onto someone else as soon as you do something just a little bit annoying.
You don't always insist on paying for dinner when you go out, or the concert tickets, or the drinks, or whatever. You let her pay if she offers, or you subtly prompt her to pay if she doesn't offer. When the subject of your birthday comes up, you don't say, "Oh, you don't have to get me anything. Being with you is present enough." You tell her what you want, or you hand her your list.
Money, money, money. What's the point of her having it if she can't spend it on you? :)
And third, you can also up her investment by getting her to invest TIME into your relationship. Time, in this instance, means that you and her frequently do things that YOU want to do.
You don't always do exactly what she wants. Once in a while, you insist on going to your favorite restaurant, or to the ballgame, or out with your idiotic, obnoxious friends. There's NO investment of time on her part if you're always doing things that she wants to do. Heck, if you weren't around, she'd probably be doing those same things with someone else. It's only an investment if it's something that she doesn't want to do or wouldn't normally do if you weren't around (which doesn't necessarily mean she won't enjoy it).
Let's say that you and her go to the auto show, which bores her. Then to your favorite restaurant, which never has anything she likes to eat. Then to the movies, where you watch the latest Schwarzenegger flick (she hates Schwarzenegger). Are you going to enjoy yourself? Yes! Is she going to enjoy herself? Probably not. Is she going to complain while you're out? Maybe. Is she going to call her girlfriend up the next day and rip you to shreds? You bet.
Is this evening, which on the surface looks like a very very bad idea, going to increase or decrease her attraction toward you?
Well, if it's the first or second date, you're history. Sayonara, Baby. Don't call her cause she won't be calling you.
But if it's the 5th date, or the 10th date, or the 30th date, it might actually work to your advantage. Why? Because you've gotten her to invest some of her precious time into your relationship. You weren't doing what she wanted to do... that night anyway. You essentially upped your VALUE in her eyes by showing her that, if she wants you, she has to occasionally do things that you like to do.
You are SOMETHING after all. You are NOT FREE. If she wants to hang with you, it's going to cost her something — time, effort, money.
But this attitude is completely contrary to that of most guys when entrenched within the thralls of a Goddess. The standard reply on date night is, "I don't care. Whatever you want to do is fine with me." The guy is crazy about the girl. He's happy just to be with her. He doesn't really care what they do as long as they do it together.
This is a mistake!
If you're always doing what she wants to do, if you're always paying for everything, if you're always putting out all the effort, she will still have, weeks or months down the road, nothing invested in you. And as soon as you get a little annoying, or as soon as someone else comes along a little less annoying, she'll be gone... and you'll be left sitting at home, wondering what you did wrong, and getting more and more bitter toward the opposite sex. After all, you treated her like gold, did everything for her, spent a fortune on her, and she threw you out like smelly garbage.
Happens all the time. The guys who treat their women like goddesses and put themselves out to try to keep her as happy as possible, without expecting anything in return, invariably GET BURNED. Let me repeat the key point in that sentence just so you don't miss it — without expecting anything in return. You must expect her to treat you as well as you treat her.
Now logically, one would think that women would love the "goddess" treatment. Always doing what she wants to do, you always paying for everything, her never really having to put out any effort. The novice Don Juan usually believes this is the way to win a woman's heart. (And there are numerous relationship books which will tell you the same thing.)
But as we're dealing with women, not Vulcans, our strategy must be a little different... taking into account the somewhat illogical workings of the human mind.
What happens, IN HER MIND, is that she comes to see you as WORTHLESS simply because she hasn't had to INVEST anything in you in order to get you or to keep you. You were an interesting diversion while she had nothing else to do. But now that someone a little more valuable has come along, someone who expects her to treat him very well, she'll have no problem at all "forgetting" you or demoting you to lowly "friendship" status.
On the other hand, what happens, in her mind, when you get her to invest effort, money, and time into your relationship?
Well, on a conscious level she may find herself somewhat annoyed once in a while — spending money, doing things she doesn't want to do, etc. But on a non-conscious level, she's looking at all the things she's doing for you, all the money she's spent on you, and all the times she's done things with you that she really didn't want to do, and she's thinking, "WOW! What a man! I must really like this guy. Look at how much I've put myself out for him. I didn't do anything like this for my last boyfriend." And it will be extremely difficult for her to just drop you and move on.
(This is also why it can be very difficult for you to drop the Goddess, who treats you like scum, and move on. You have a great deal invested in her. If you move on, like everyone advises you to, you lose all that you've invested in her.)
You see, as I've mentioned before, rather than thinking things through very clearly before we act, we often do things and then rationalize our behaviors afterward. You want her to look back weeks, months, or years down the road, and realize that she's really done a lot for you. That she's spent a lot of money during the course of your relationship. That she's got a lot of time and life invested in you.
And that she wouldn't have done any of that stuff if she didn't like you - A LOT!
Read more!
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